Sorry I didn’t post last night; was completely exhausted both physically and emotionally but finished the 10 in 10!! Honestly one of the hardest things I have ever done- I was just about prepared for it physically but really wasn’t ready for the mental challenge of getting to the startline every day for another marathon, keeping going when you’re too hot, everything hurts and you’re exhausted or (especially) the emotional overload every night after the race and occasionally during it. But DONE 😀 probably not something I’ll ever attempt again but so glad I did it, really needed the challenge and good to have achieved at least one positive thing this summer.
The emotional side of the running was definitely the hardest bit. Usually I run ultras where you have 24+ hours of just zoning out and running at your own pace which is totally different to running marathons. Plus there are so many more PEOPLE which I know is good and motivating but sometimes I really just wanted to be on my own which was impossible on a lapped marathon. The people were amazing though- everyone was so lovely and encouraging and without them, I probably wouldn’t have got past day two but it’s definitely a different type of running to what I’m used to. There were a few days when I genuinely couldn’t stop crying and it’s hard when there are people all around you so spent a lot of time crying in bushes or anywhere people couldn’t see, and I hadn’t realised how emotional marathon running can be. I think it’s because you’re having to push physically all the time to meet the cut off times and you can’t zone out in the same way as during ultras so you’ve got too much thinking time and my brain was going to some pretty horrible places without enough distraction. Definitely not the kind of running I’d want to keep doing but definitely good for a challenge!
The other big challenge for me was being away for ten days on my own and managing the time in between marathons. It was really, really hard and had some pretty massive mood crashes between the runs but I kept reminding myself that it was still better than how I’ve been feeling at home recently and it was a massive challenge. I actually made some (for me) pretty sensible decisions- when I was having a really bad night and constant suicidal thoughts, I called a mental health helpline who contacted the psychiatrist I’m seeing at the moment so she called me, and I gave my medication to a running friend to look after so I couldn’t overdose on it which is definitely more sensible than I’d usually be. But I really, really wanted to complete the 10 in 10 which would be pretty impossible if I did anything ridiculous or stupid and my whole focus last week was getting through the challenge.
The other unexpected challenge was the heat- it was bloody hot especially over the last few days!! Running a dry, exposed course in 33 degree heat with no breeze is bloody tough and definitely made the challenge harder. Even though I was dipping my cap in cold water every lap, drinking as much water and electrolytes as I could and wearing factor 50 kids suncream, I was massively overheated all the time which really wasn’t fun. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I ran into the petrol station near the course to buy some diet Coke and even ate a ridiculous amount of ice poles and ice lollies which I’d never normally eat because of the sugar and additives but it was so, so needed and was desperate for any way to cool down. Never want to see an ice lolly again EVER and feeling a bit shit about how many I’ve eaten over the last ten days but it did seem to help stop the path from spinning so much.
Anyway, back to reality today 
still on a bit of a high and trying to make it last as long as possible before the inevitable mood crash that people keep warning me about. So I’m trying to get as much washing, blog writing and productiveness done as a I can now! Felt a bit weird this morning not going to the Cyclopark for another run but definitely nice not to have to force down porridge with cornflakes and cereal bars when I’m already feeling sick or cover myself in green gunky suncream (because I hate white things) and feel yucky and greasy all day. But it is a bit lonely without the amazingness of awesome SVN people and how bloody incredible and supportive you all are- THANK YOU so so much!!
Been a bit of an epic and exhausting week, and actually learned some stuff! SO…
- The human body is AMAZING and is capable of incredible things. Especially if you feed it.
- David Bowie is a lifesaver and playing Rock ‘n’ Roll Suicide will make you feel alive even when you really don’t feel like it physically or mentally.
- Use the people around you- they are amazing. I’ve met so many awesome and inspiring people this week and thank you all so much!
- Ice lollies are GOOD and can save your race.
- Just keep moving. Even if you’re walking, you’re still getting closer to the finish line.
- It is possible to run, cry and breathe all at the same time and is actually kind of therapeutic.
- Sleep can completely reset your mind and is really, really important. Even if you need Zopiclone to get it!
- You are capable of way, way more than you think you are and half the challenge is just starting it.
- Food is fuel and without it, you can’t even get past the first lap.
- I like icing even if I don’t like cake and it’s a bloody good energy boost!
- Whole albums are better than playlists because you actually feel like you’ve accomplished something when you run through a whole sequence of albums.
- Don’t listen to emotional audiobooks while running; you will cry uncontrollably.
- Listen to your body. If you need to slow down, then slow down and enjoy the scenery. Even the bloody rabbit bridge for the 160th time!! Pushing through pain is never a good idea.
- Exhaustion is more mental than physical- your body can do pretty much anything, it’s your brain you need to convince.
- Mental and emotional exhaustion are two separate things. You can push through mental exhaustion and feel accomplished by the end; never try to force through emotional exhaustion because you’ll spend the evening feeling rubbish, overwhelmed and not safe.
- A text message from a friend can literally save your day.
- Running is a bubble away from real life where you’re not really alive or dead and neither really matters. It’s like being in an alternate universe where all that matters is that particular lap and that’s a pretty amazing escape.
- I am definitely more of an ultra person than a marathon runner! But it is pretty cool to have ten rainbow coloured medals.
- Your worth isn’t defined by how many marathons you’ve run or how far you can push yourself. Everyone has their own individual limits and that’s OK; it’s working within those limits and feeling OK about yourself that matters.
- People are amazing. Even if you’re feeling shit and don’t really want to interact with anyone, they’re still there being encouraging and so lovely and it’s amazing watching people achieve incredible things.
Just want to say THANK YOU so so much to everyone for being so amazing and supportive this week, both in person and online and I really, really appreciate it. Genuinely didn’t think I’d manage even one marathon and I probably wouldn’t have without the support. Been a v v surreal and exhausting week physically, mentally and emotionally but also ironically one of the most ‘sane’ weeks I’ve had in months and really want to channel that!
Thoughts from an Iridescent Starfish 