New week and feeling hungry??

I didn’t sleep particularly well last night and really wasn’t ready to get up when my alarm went off at 5.30am.  I felt totally exhausted and, weirdly, HUNGRY.  I haven’t felt genuine hunger in nearly ten years and it was very, very weird.  My stomach actually hurt with hunger and I felt like it was being sucked inwards- not in the vertigo-y suction of feeling rubbishness but real, physical aching.  For a few moments, I wasn’t sure what to do and wanted to hide under the duvet and try to get back to sleep, but if I did that I’d be late for school so I had to get up.

When I went downstairs, I made some coffee and automatically sipped it slowly so it wouldn’t make my stomach burn any more (weird how things like that come back to you!).  I started to feel really anxious which didn’t help the stomach issue, but I had no idea what to do.  Breakfast wasn’t for another two hours and I still had a cross trainer session to do first but the hunger was making me feel really weird, and I wasn’t sure I’d be OK on the cross trainer.  It wasn’t the physical discomfort that was making me nervous; it was the weird ‘muscle memories’ it was triggering- I felt like I’d fallen back in time about 15 years and I kept having vivid semi-memories of being in Glasgow and feeling my stomach burn with hunger, being at school and feeling like my stomach was clenching itself inwards, doodling pictures of ice cream and chocolate bars during lessons to distract from the burning sensation of real stomach hunger.

The weird thing is that all the times I’ve experienced it before, I’ve been either underweight or losing weight but this time I’m actually eating more than I have done in nearly decade :s it seems totally wrong and counterintuitive to feel that bloody hungry!  Especially since I’d eaten fish, polenta and vegetables the night before and felt totally bloated afterwards.  I compromised and had half a glass of smoothie before the cross trainer (even that felt too much since I hadn’t actually done anything yet) and took a can of diet Coke with me.  I LOVE early morning cross trainer sessions- it’s such an amazing way to wake up and feel like you’re fully connected with the day before it’s started, and the hungry feeling subsided a bit by the time I’d finished so it was just a mild achy sensation in my stomach rather than intense clenching pain.

The rest of the morning was pretty standard- porridge, coffee and medication which amazingly isn’t hurting my stomach the way it used to (it used to feel like a mild burning when I first took it even with food), and I think maybe my stomach’s just trying to get used to eating so bloody much?  I had a pretty full on day at work today and had to stay late for CPD training so I felt like I was packing for a hiking trip instead of a school day!  I think the hardest part was trying to accept that I was going to eat all that food (the bitch in my head was trying to convince me I only needed the baked beans) and that it was OK to have snacks and more than one thing for lunch, and it was exhausting trying to deal with that as well as psyching up for school.  I kept rationalising that it was OK to take the food and if I genuinely didn’t need it, I wouldn’t eat it which made it a bit easier and less anxiety-provoking to pack it in my bag, although I spent most of the day worrying that someone would see it and think I was massively greedy or selfish.

The day went OK- nothing major apart from a few intense anxieties about getting things wrong which is pretty typical for a Monday especially, and I think the Lent resolutions are really helping with managing that because in the scheme of anxiety I’m feeling about foods pretty much constantly atm, a potential mistake that might not even matter to anyone which would usually cause a mini meltdown/panic attack actually doesn’t seem that important and is a lot easier to deal with than it usually would be.  I don’t think my brain or body have enough space for that amount of anxiety without going into shutdown!

After school, the teachers from my department were going for a meal and I wasn’t sure if I was going to go (usually I wouldn’t), but they’ve been so lovely and supportive of me working with them that I decided to risk it and go with them.  Amazingly, it went OK!!  I was so nervous about it and scared of ordering food I didn’t know, but the restaurant had a salad bar with lots of different stuff (including several of my ‘safe’ foods) and it was totally acceptable to just have salad so I did and made a ‘meal’ out of a mix of proteins, carbohydrates and salad in a similar structure to the meal at home would have been.  And no one said anything or commented which was amazing and such a massive relief.  Can’t believe I did it!!  Achievement for the week.

SO TIRED now though, exhausting trying to keep up with it and talk down the bitch in my head who takes every available opportunity to tell me how greedy, SELFISH and ridiculous I’m being and how everyone’s going to be judging me and thinking how horrible and selfish I am, and it’s hard not to listen to it because there is a (pretty big) part of me that really does believe that.  But part of Lent is challenging toxic thoughts and ideas, and I keep reminding myself that if Jesus could last 40 days and 40 nights in the desert with absolutely no distractions while the Devil was tempting him, I can ignore or accept the bitch’s words without acting on them…

National Poetry Day 2016

Yesterday was National Poetry Day in the UK and I forgot to post a poem, so posting one today which is partly influenced by the Bad Girls convention I went to last weekend and which I’m in the middle of writing a blog post about.  Hope you enjoy it!

“How does hate swing through fixation into love, or something like? So if she drives by in the
family car I want to part the traffic
like a sea for her-“
– ‘Clodia’, Tiffany Atkinson
There are times when the body
doesn’t make sense. A sudden heart-
jolt, stomach-swoop at the wrong time,
obsession you don’t want to start.
How does hate swing through fixation into love?
I know that I shouldn’t like her.
She’s so smart, strong, complex and free:
everything that I’m not. And yet
why do I need her to need me,
or something like? So if she drives by in the
pouring rain, I’m in the road, soaked.
She’s in the blueprint of my mind,
my default thoughts, pulling feelings
like gravity. If I’m behind
her family car I want to part the traffic.
It’s visceral; my blood beats with
emotions I don’t understand,
a vertigo of confusion.
Love-hate crashes like waves on sand,
like a sea for her.


Just a short post today because my brain is frazzled, I’ve been awake pretty much consistently for the last four days, got up at 2am this morning and keep needing to remind myself where I am, why and what day it is!  Been a bit of a stressful week, feeling rubbish and getting meds withdrawals (on day five without them) so actually writing this feels like processing thoughts through peanut butter but I really want to get one last Harry Potter post in before the Cursed Child release at midnight tonight!!

So, Horcruxes.  I realise this is a bit of a random topic to write about but the more I’ve been thinking about the bitch in my head and how I’m trying to manage her constant arguments and influence, the more I’m realising that it’s closer to the concept of Horcruxes than I’ve ever thought about.  It’s taken a while to conceptualise the horrible thoughts, urges and brain arguments as anything other than just ‘me’ being a horrible person and for the last year or so, I’ve seen it as a ‘bitch in my head’ (see Inside my head… for a proper explanation about that) and she has direct access to my thoughts, feelings and urges which I need to identify and try to manage, and one of the ways I’ve found useful for that is through Occlumency and other strategies from Harry Potter which I wrote about in Mental Health Awareness Week 2016, Part One: HARRY POTTER.

Thinking about that made me realise that the bitch in my head is actually close to a Horcrux- a part of someone else’s soul which is evil and sometimes takes control of my thoughts and emotions in a way that I don’t like but, importantly, it ISN’T PART OF ME.  This is really, really important as a way of conceptualising it which has taken a long time to actually accept and try to believe- when I have paranoid, obsessive thoughts about other people or about myself, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m a horrible person because I try really hard not to act on the thoughts/urges and I don’t want them in my head, and that means that there must be a ‘me’ outside of those thoughts/feelings/urges that ISN’T weird, obsessive or horrible and that’s the part I want to keep and is actually ‘me’.

Not sure if that makes sense?  I started to realise it after a conversation with a friend I’ve known for years but don’t get to meet up with that often, and who is someone I really look up to and trust.  We met for coffee a couple of months ago and she was talking about spirituality and the idea of a ‘still space’ inside you which is the part you need to connect with and that doesn’t judge or anything like that, and I really liked the concept even if I still don’t fully understand it.  When I knew her ten years ago, she recommended Paulo Coelho’s books which I read and loved, especially Veronika Decides to Die and Eleven Minutes which taught me that it’s OK to be different and not fit in, and that ‘normal’ is relative and actually conformity is the worst thing people can do because it goes against the natural ‘self’ and who you actually are.  There are so many amazing quotes from those books and I’ll list a few which I found really useful at that time (and still do now):

“You have two choices, to control your mind or to let your mind control you.”

“Haven’t you learned anything, not even with the approach of death? Stop thinking all the time that you’re in the way, that you’re bothering the person next to you. If people don’t like it, they can complain. And if they don’t have the courage to complain, that’s their problem.”  (THIS IS SO IMPORTANT AND TRUE!)

“We all live in our own world. But if you look up at the starry sky – you’ll see that all the different worlds up there combine to form constellations, solar systems, galaxies.”

“When I took the pills, I wanted to kill someone I hated. I didn’t know that other Veronikas existed inside me, Veronikas that I could love.”  (Kill the Horcrux, not yourself)

“At every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss.”

“That’s why I’m telling you: don’t get used to it, because it’s very easy to become habituated; it’s a very powerful drug. It’s in our daily lives, in our hidden suffering, in the sacrifices we make, blaming love for the destruction of our dreams. Pain is frightening when it shows its real face, but it’s seductive when it comes disguised as sacrifice or self-denial. Or cowardice. However much we may reject it, we human being always find a way of being with pain, of flirting with it and making it part of our lives.”  I’ve put part of this in bold because when I first read it aged 19, I could identify with it so strongly and wrote an intense diary entry about it which I’ve since lost which is maybe a good thing but I would be interested to re-read it.  Definitely worth a blog post at some point…

Having written out those quotes, I really want to re-read Paulo Coelho now and I think it deserves several blog posts of its own!  But the point I’m trying to get clear in my head is that ten years ago, the realisations I got from reading Paulo Coelho probably set the framework for the way I’m thinking about the bitch in my head and Horcruxes now, and it’s amazing how your thought processes can grow and develop over your lifetime.  The recent conversation with my friend (which was actually one of the first proper conversations I’ve had with her in ten years which is pretty incredible considering how much I’ve learned from her and how much she’s influenced how I view my life probably without even realising it) has helped to solidify it and she mentioned some more spirituality-type books which I’m going to read and hopefully be able to learn from…  I really like the idea of connecting with a part of ‘you’ which isn’t the obsessive, paranoid part and I think it’s similar to the way you sort of ‘zone out’ in a good way during long runs and get an amazing feeling of freedom and calm- trying to learn to manage that without having to run 40 miles first!

Sorry this is a bit of a rambling post, brain really not focussing clearly at the moment but I wanted to try to explore a bit the idea of Horcruxes and how Occlumency can be useful in trying to stop the direct access to thoughts and emotions.  It links to Paulo Coelho because it’s a lot like mindfulness- focussing on the present, trying to ‘close your mind’ to paranoid or obsessive thoughts, not fixating or focussing on them.  Harry uses mindfulness consciously in Deathly Hallows when he tries to stay fully ‘present’ as a way to stop Voldemort being able to access his mind and to manage pain or intense emotions that aren’t his own, and this is really useful to learn from and apply in a DBT-type way to managing thoughts or intense emotions from the bitch/Horcrux in your head.  Will try to expand on it when my brain’s a bit more functional but wanted to introduce it as a concept!  Hope at least some of it makes sense 🙂

Reality and consciousness in the Harry Potter series: another academic-type essay!

J.K. Rowling’s ‘Harry Potter’ series hinges around the final chapters of the seventh book, ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’- ‘The Forest Again’ and ‘King’s Cross’.   At the end of his conversation with Dumbledore in King’s Cross, Harry says to him, “Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?”, to which Dumbledore replies, “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” (‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’, p.579). This exchange seems to epitomize the series as a whole and bring up one of the main questions- that of what is ‘real’ and what is illusory or imagined. In this essay, I am going to look at ideas around what ‘reality’ means in the world of J.K. Rowling’s novels, how that affects the identity of the characters and the series as a whole, and focus finally on the ‘King’s Cross’ chapter of the final book. I have included a brief synopsis of the series and characters as an endnote.

The most obvious aspect of the Harry Potter series relating to the concept of reality is the presentation of different ‘worlds’ throughout the series, which should be clarified before analyzing the series itself. This has been interpreted in various ways by different critics, and I am going to examine the different viewpoints and attempt to find examples to support the view that J.K. Rowling has created a ‘fantasy’ world which contains various sub-worlds representing different key themes and ideas in the novels.

The first, most obvious distinction is the difference between the world of the reader and the world of the novels. The world of the reader is experienced by the reader outside of the books and which shapes the concepts of reality and identity. For the purposes of the essay, I am going to assume an objective, external world, the experiences of which create a person’s unique perception and identity, and imagination which allows a person to ‘transcend’ the world they live in. The world of the novel is a creation in itself, and functions through the writing to form a world separate from the experiences of the external world.

The Harry Potter series is different to many other ‘fantasy’ (the word ‘fantasy’ is used loosely as J.K. Rowling does not consider her books to be ‘fantasy literature’ and they do not adhere to traditional fantasy guidelines) series as it portrays two worlds, magical and non-magical within the same global space. In the ‘Lord of the Rings’ series, Middle Earth is a new world in its own right, and in the Narnia series, Narnia is a separate world accessible only through ‘gateways’ from our world, whereas in the Harry Potter books, both worlds exist side by side. This leads to different problems relating to the ‘reality’ of the novels than other series as it requires a total suspension of disbelief. Because of this, I think it is important to distinguish between the world of the reader and world of the novels before looking at the novels themselves and their own concepts of reality.

In an essay called ‘Three Worlds’, Suman Gupta examines the idea of different worlds with the Harry Potter series. In a similar way to that which I have described, he writes that “The Harry Potter books play deliberately and self-consciously with three worlds: the Magic World, the Muggle world, and…our world”. His interpretation is slightly different, as he says in the next paragraph that “our world in implied through both these worlds”. I would argue that ‘our world’ is not “implied”- the fact that J.K. Rowling was a British novelist writing on Earth influenced her choice to set her ‘fantasy’ world in the U.K. rather than a conscious choice to imply aspects of ‘our world’, and the world of the novels he creates is separate from any implications. Rather than three ‘equal’ worlds, I think “our world” is equal to the world of the novels, and within that are the two sub-divisions of the “Magic world” and the “Muggle world” as it would be difficult to make a parallel from an external world to a fictional world without qualifying how it was created.

Gupta then discusses the “Muggle world” represented in the novels, and compares the Dursley household to “microcosm” of the Muggle world as a whole, saying that they are “bound to represent something general”. This is not necessarily true, as we see other Muggles in the novels such as Hermione’s parents who do not “shun” magic, even though they, like the Dursleys and most other Muggles, “desire to live in a causally explicable world” (Gupta, ‘Three Worlds’). Gupta describes the magic and Muggle worlds as “mutually definitive” as he writes that “The Muggle world that is presented exists as complementing the Magic world”. This is again not necessarily true- the reason we do not see as much of the Muggle world as the wizarding world is that we see events through Harry’s eyes, who is a wizard, which supports the view that J.K. Rowling is advocating the idea of reality existing from a ‘personal’ perspective, and that a person’s perceptions create their own identity and reality, which is linked to the idea of free will which I will explore in another section. The Muggle world is not “presented as though to draw the reader away from it and into the Magic world”; they are two separate but co-existing worlds within the world of the novel which necessarily interact as people inhabit both but have separate laws and customs, in a similar way to the way in which countries exist in the same ‘global space’ but are separate entities in themselves. Gupta’s point that the Muggle world acts as a “focalizing device” could be true in terms of the literary writing, but in terms of the worlds within the novel, they are not interdependent. Because they inhabit the same global space, they two worlds necessarily interact. An example of this is the chapter ‘The Other Minister’ in ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’ where the Minster for Magic, Cornelius Fudge, has a meeting with the Muggle Prime Minister because events happening in the wizarding world are affecting Muggles such as Dementors causing fog and mist in July and murders. This scene also shows the reaction of Muggles towards wizards- the Prime Minister says that “For a time he had tried to convince himself that Fudge had indeed been a hallucination”.

Some similar ideas are discussed in ‘Harry Potter and Imagination’, by Travis Prinzi. In Chapter Two, he quotes J.K. Rowling as saying that the wizarding world is “a world within a world that you can see if you happen to belong”, which shows the idea that the wizarding world is a part of the world created within the novel, and is separate from the Muggle world (which is another aspect of that world) as you can only be a part of the wizarding world if you belong to it by having magical powers. Prinzi describes this as an “ontological break between the Wizarding and Muggle words” (Ch.2 ), which is true as “witches and wizards will never be Muggles, and Muggles will never be witches and wizards”. This view seems to fit the series better than Gupta’s argument, as the two worlds are portrayed as separate but parallel in the novels as opposed to interdependent. The concept of reality is complex because within the fictional world of the novel, it is important to distinguish between the Muggle and wizarding worlds which are equally ‘real’ and then it is possible to explore the issues of reality, illusion, imagination and identity within that world. Platform Nine and Three Quarters at King’s Cross station in London acts as a ‘way into’ the magical world, as only wizarding people know how to access the train that takes them from Muggle London to Hogwarts. Rubeus Hagrid’s answer to Harry’s question about finding wizarding place is London of “If yeh know where to go” (‘Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone’, p.53) illustrates the parallel worlds of Muggle and magical.

Another important theme to consider when looking at problems of reality and consciousness in the Harry Potter series is the link between consciousness and reality. For John Locke, the ‘self’ comes directly from consciousness and this forms the basis of his concept of personal identity, which is that a person’s thoughts and actions constitute the identity of that person. He distinguishes personal identity as different from identity in general as he sees ’humans’ (or physical bodies) as separate to ‘people’ as he thinks that the term ‘human’ refers to another biological animal whereas a ‘person’ has an identity of their own different to the identity of animals and plants, which is defined in physical terms. He does not, as Aristotle and Descartes state, think that personal identity is the same as the soul because for him, a soul is another substance. Instead, he concentrates on the question of how the idea of personal identity can relate to being a human. He defines person as distinct to simply human as it encompasses the idea of reason and the power to be conscious of itself through time, which is different to simply being able to think. He also seems to link this idea with memory as he says “memory or consciousness of past actions”, and equates this with the idea of the ‘self’ as that of which a person is conscious which persists through time.

As a contrast, David Hume thought that there could be no innate personal identity. Being an empiricist, he agreed with Locke that a person sees themselves as the same person they experienced at a time in their memory, but instead of drawing the conclusion that there is an intrinsic personal identity, he says that the sense of personal identity is caused by the memory rather than depending on it. He argued in a similar way to Heraclitus that everything changes, and so do people. For him, the idea that a person is the same as they were in a time that they remember is caused by the fact that they remember, not an identity proved by memory. His argument has been called the “bundle theory”, because he sees people as ‘bundles’ of properties. Unlike Locke’s concept of ‘properties’, for Hume this encompasses everything about a human, including their thoughts, feelings and experiences, which are not necessarily linked, and therefore cannot constitute a personal identity. What we perceive to be a ‘self’ is really just a collection of experiences and ideas which make up a human being; there is no intrinsic ‘I’.

This is interesting to explore in the context of the Harry Potter novels because of the relation between Harry and Voldemort’s identities. In ‘Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix’, Harry has a series of dreams and visions in which he ‘sees’ places he has never been to and feels emotions unrelated to how he is feeling at the time which he realizes are linked to Voldemort. From Locke’s view, the fact that he is having the same consciousness as Voldemort would mean that he has Voldemort’s identity at those times since his feelings, experiences and consciousnesses are those of Voldemort. This view does not fit the novels, since J.K. Rowling writes explicitly about souls and their importance to personal identity, which I will examine in another section. Locke’s view is interesting in looking at the way in which Voldemort uses the connection between his and Harry’s minds to control and influence his thoughts. Near the end of the book, he plants a vision in Harry’s mind that his godfather, Sirius, is being tortured in the Department of Mysteries. Harry takes this to be true and according to Locke’s view this would be true for him at the time because he is conscious of ‘seeing’ and experiencing that at the time even though it is not happening in the reality of the novel.

In an essay called ‘Why Won’t Voldemort Just Die Already: What Wizards can teach us About Personal Identity’, Jason T. Eberl writes about the concept of Harry and Voldemort sharing consciousnesses. He observes that “At the time of each experience, they share the same consciousness and will have the same memory of the event…Thus, since for Locke and Hume consciousness and memory are the foundation of personal identity, the conclusion apparently follows that Harry and Voldemort are one and the same person when they share these experiences” (‘Harry Potter and Philosophy’, Ch.15). This raises several problems, both in the context of the novels and in the context of personal identity. Eberl goes on to argue that since they only share their consciousnesses at certain moments in time, they are not truly identical because, according to Leibniz, “for any two things to be identical, they must share all and only the same properties”, whereas Harry and Voldemort have different memories and experiences of other events.

J.K. Rowling uses the idea of illusion in her writing. Since the novels are (mainly) written from Harry’s perspective, the reader sees events from Harry’s point of view which can be flawed and since we do not see all the events in the novel, we are often given a false impression. The main example of this is the portrayal of Severus Snape. In the first book, Harry (and the reader) believes that Snape is trying to kill him whereas in reality it was another wizard. This is a microcosm of the series as a whole, where the reader is presented scenes in which Snape would appear to be working for Lord Voldemort. In the fourth and fifth books, we see Snape working for Dumbledore in the Order of the Phoenix, but Harry (and the readers through Harry’s eyes) does not trust him. At the beginning of the sixth book, we see what appears to be Snape showing his “true allegiance” when he makes an Unbreakable Vow to help fulfil Lord Voldemort’s orders. Bellatrix voices the reader’s doubts when she says “Oh, he’ll try, I’m sure…the usual empty words, the usual slithering out of action” (‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’, Chapter Two) but the final paragraph of the chapter seems to convince both her and the reader: “Bellatrix’s astounded face glowed red in the blaze of a third tongue of flame, which shot out of the wand, twisted with the other, and bound itself thickly around their clasped hands, like a rope, like a fiery snake.” Through the novel, we see Snape working both for Dumbledore and for Voldemort which increases the ambiguity of where his allegiance is but the scene near the end of the novel seems to confirm the suspicions from the beginning where Snape kills Dumbledore. The ambiguity is extended through Rowling’s writing as Snape and other Death Eaters face Dumbledore, and then the line “Snape gazed for a moment at Dumbledore, and there was revulsion and hatred etched in the harsh lines of his face” (HBP, Ch.27) sets up the killing of Dumbledore. In the end, the reader discovers that Dumbledore had planned his death at the hands of Snape to fulfil part of a ‘greater plan’, which introduces one of the main (but unknown until the final chapters) themes of the series- that nothing happens independently and everything is part of a larger plan. This implies that there is a greater ‘reality’ than the external world Harry lives in, which will be explored in the King’s Cross chapter.

A subject closely related to ideas about consciousness and identity is that of dreams linked to desires. After Harry has discovered the Mirror of Erised, which shows “what is the deepest, most desperate desires of our hearts” (‘Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone’, Ch.12), Dumbledore reminds him that “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live”, which is another common theme in the books. The symbolism of mirrors in significant in the series because they represent more than just reflecting appearances and reflect aspects of characters.

The Mirror of Erised is a good example of this. Dumbledore tells Harry that the Mirror reflects “neither knowledge nor truth” and that “men have wasted away before it…not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible”(‘Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone’, p.157). The mirror represents an illusion which confuses the perception of reality and allows human greed and ambition to overtake reason. An essay called ‘”Interpret Your Findings Correctly” Harry’s Magical Self-Discovery’ by David Jones from the book ‘Hog’s Head Conversations’ edited by Travis Prinzi examines this idea further. He describes the mirror as a “means for manipulating the senses” (‘Hog’s Head Conversations’, p.193) which is interesting because it brings up both the idea that mirrors do not represent truth and the idea that the senses are not totally reliable, which is relevant in the context of this essay because questioning the validity of the senses is linked to how we perceive the external world. Although Harry knows that what he sees in the mirror cannot be ‘real’, it becomes an obsession for him and he returns several times before he is stopped by Dumbledore. The idea of desire overtaking reason or possibility can also be seen in his (and others’) obsessive thoughts about the pursuit of the Deathly Hallows in Book 7, where the search for the three objects that ‘conquer death’ consumes all his thoughts and has consumed the thoughts of Dumbledore, Voldemort and others before them. It again brings up the question of whether ‘death’ is an inevitable part of human life which is questioned throughout the series or whether, as Dumbledore says in King’s Cross, “Of course this is happening inside your head” (‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’, p.579) and all that exists is illusory. Jones writes that “The mirror distorts reality by reflecting fantasy back to its subject” (p.194) and the mirror can be seen as a symbol that hints towards the idea that reality is not necessarily ‘real’ and what is seen through the senses can be ‘distorted’.

The concept of imagination is very important when thinking about reality and illusion. In an article called ‘Kant and Coleridge on Imagination’, Robert D. Hume outlines Kant’s concepts of reality and the cognitive process. He writes that “’Reality’ Kant defines as a category of the Understanding” which implies that ‘reality’ for an individual is related to the way in which the external world is perceived or interpreted subjectively. This would seem to fit with Dumbledore’s reply in King’s Cross that “Of course it is happening inside your head” if everything we experience is interpreted subjectively, and “why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” reflects the idea that reality comes from our ‘Understanding’.

Later on in the article, Robert D. Hume says that “Imagination…is then the very ground of our having a world of experience at all, for without its mediation between Sensibility and Intellect there could be no applications of categories to possible objects of experience”, which shows how important the imagination is in the formation of our experience of the external world. J.K. Rowling creates a fantasy world which engages the imagination in a way similar to that of Kant’s “free-play” of the imagination (‘Critique of Judgement’), which in turn allows a reader to reflect on the events within a created world objectively.

An essay called ‘The Well-Ordered Mind: How Imagination Can Make Us More Human’ by Travis Prinzi from ‘Hog’s Head Conversations’ examines different ideas about imagination in relation to the Harry Potter novels. He begins the essay by describing the moral imagination of Russell Kirk, which he explains as the idea that “the imagination has the power to change ourselves and the world around us for the better” (‘Hog’s Head Conversations’, p.103) which again brings up the idea that imagination of different for each person and, in this context, can influence people’s individual worlds. He quotes J.K. Rowling’s usage of a Plutarch quotation in a speech: “What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality” and this seems to be another motivation for the events of the Harry Potter novels- Harry’s choice to sacrifice himself and, as Prinzi points out, purify his soul leads to his ‘reincarnation’ and Voldemort’s downfall. Morality is an important part of the Harry Potter series and can be epitomized in Minerva McGonagall’s reply to a Death Eater that her priority is “the difference between truth and lie, courage and cowardice” (‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’, p.477). The emphasis on morality again seems to point to a ‘greater reality’, which is implied throughout the novels.

In ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’, Dumbledore refers to “the murky marshes of memory into thickets of wild guesswork” (p.187) which seems to illustrate the way in which memory is depicted in the novels. Memory is an important idea in all seven books, and we are first introduced to it in ‘Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone’ where we are told that Harry’s first memory is a flash of green light which we later discover was the curse the Lord Voldemort used on him as a baby. The idea of memory becomes more significant in ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’. The diary of Tom Riddle contains memories “recorded…in a more lasting way than ink” (‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’, p.179). When Riddle comes out of the diary, he describes himself as “A memory…Preserved in a diary for fifty years.” (p.227). Unlike a ghost, he is a “tall, black-haired boy…strangely blurred around the edges…not a day older than sixteen”(p.227) whose existence depends on the diary; when Harry destroys it, Riddle’s ‘memory’ is also destroyed. Later in the series, we discover that the diary was a Horcrux where Lord Voldemort (Tom Riddle) had hidden a part of his soul which took the form of memory when it came out of the diary’s pages. By linking the ideas of soul and memory, Rowling is implying that a person’s soul or identity depends at least partly on their memories which is consistent with John Locke’s view of personal identity.

The main way in which memories occur in the novels is through the use of the Pensieve. Dumbledore explains to Harry that “One simply siphons off the excess thoughts from one’s mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one’s leisure. It becomes easier to spot patterns and links”. Harry is able to experience these memories firsthand by going into the Pensieve, which makes Locke’s view problematic because he is experiencing and having consciousness of something from Dumbledore’s mind and following Locke’s argument, this would mean that he has taken on Dumbledore’s identity. This seems to contradict the link between memory and soul made in the second book, unless memories do not necessarily entail the idea of souls. Voldemort’s Horcruxes are unusual (Dumbledore describes them as ‘beyond the usual evil’ in ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince), and most memories might not be linked directly to the soul of the person they belong to, which could account for examples such as memory loss or unreliable memories.

An example of unreliable memory comes from ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’. Harry witnesses a memory from Horace Slughorn in which Tom Riddle asked about Horcruxes and Slughorn refused to answer. Dumbledore tells Harry that is has been edited, because “He has tried to rework the memory to show himself in a better light” (p.348) and when Harry manages to get the true memory out of Slughorn, he realizes that the actual conversation was much longer and more complex than the first memory had shown. This example illustrates how memories do not necessarily reflect reality, and the consequences of their subjectivity.

In his essay, Jason Eberl discusses Hume’s concept of memory forming the basis of personal identity. He writes that “Hume would caution Harry to remain skeptical of the story that others had relayed to him since he has no perception of it that he can link by memory to his present perceptions” (‘Harry Potter and Philosophy’, p.204) since Hume, unlike Locke, relies on memory rather than present consciousness to form the concept of ‘self’.

One of the fundamental ideas of the Harry Potter series is the idea of souls and the relation between souls and identity. The first book to explore this idea in detail is the sixth book in the series, ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’, although there are allusions to the concept throughout the novels. The first detailed reference is when Harry witnesses Slughorn’s memory of Riddle asking about Horcruxes and the concept of splitting the soul is introduced. Slughorn describes Horcruxes as “the word used for an object in which a person has concealed part of their soul” (p.464) which would prevent a person from dying because “even if one’s body is attacked or destroyed, one cannot die, for the part of the soul remains earthbound and undamaged”. This raises interesting questions about identity and whether is it linked to the soul or to consciousness. In ‘Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Remus Lupin explains to Harry that “You can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working. But you’ll have no sense of self anymore, no memory, no….anything. There’s no chance at all of recovery. You’ll just exist. As an empty shell” which illustrates the importance of the soul in the context of the Harry Potter novels.

When Dumbledore explains his theory about Voldemort’s Horcruxes to Harry, he says that “Lord Voldemort had seemed to grow less human with the passing years, and the transformation he had undergone seemed to me to be only explicable if his soul was mutilated beyond the realms of what we might call usual evil…” (p.475), and this seems to suggest that Voldemort’s identity as a human being had been damaged with each Horcrux, which implies that personal identity is linked to the soul. Another example of this idea in shown in ‘The Tale of Three Brothers’ from ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’, the use of the Resurrection Stone caused the person to return “separated…as by a veil” (p.332). The idea of a veil separating life and death is illustrated in the chapter ‘Beyond the Veil’ in ‘Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” where Harry can hear voices coming from behind a veil in an archway in the Department of Mysteries but cannot reach them, and when Sirius is killed, his body falls through the veil. In the Harry Potter series, life and death are separate worlds and once the soul passes “through the veil”, it cannot return. This again supports the idea that personal identity come from the soul, although this idea is flawed in that it relies on the existence of the soul. This is partly because the Harry Potter series, like the Narnia series, uses Christian allegories and ideas which is seen particularly in the end of the seventh book in the ‘King’s Cross’ chapter, and suggests the idea of a greater ‘reality’ past the external world.

Near the end of the seventh book, we discover that Harry himself is a Horcrux and that part of Voldemort’s soul “lodged itself” in his body when Voldemort tried to kill him as a baby. This again raises questions about Harry’s identity and whether the traits he shares with Voldemort by virtue of having part of his soul (such as speaking Parseltongue and being able to see events literally from Voldemort’s perspective) would mean that he really does share a part of Voldemort’s identity. I think that main aspect to look at with this question is not whether Harry has taken on Voldemort’s identity, but where Voldemort’s true identity is. If, as Dumbledore says, Voldemort has become so far from human that he cannot be called a human any longer (in first chapter of ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’, he says “I am much, much more than a man”) then the concept of personal identity might not apply to him in the same way. If he has ‘damaged his soul’ so much that it is so ‘unstable’ that it no longer has a true identity, then his ‘identity’ would be with his consciousness but it would not be the same as true personal identity.

In his chapter ‘Dehumanization: Defining Evil in Harry Potter’ from ‘Harry Potter and Imagination’, Travis Prinzi writes that “The “soul” points to an origin and identity beyond ourselves, beyond this present life” whereas Voldemort “believes precisely the opposite: that his goal in life is to remain alive eternally and never to face death”(p.75). This again alludes to the Christian elements in the Harry Potter series and implies that there is another world after this one- as Dumbledore says “To the well-organised mind, death is but the next great adventure (‘Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone’, p.215). Prinzi uses some interesting quotations from ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’ to illustrate his argument. “A Horcrux is the complete opposite of a human being” again shows the idea that Voldemort has become so far from human that he no longer exists as a man and “If I picked up a sword right now…I wouldn’t damage your soul at all…whatever happens to your body, your soul will survive, untouched” which shows the metaphysical nature of the soul and how it can survive beyond the external world. Ironically, in trying to create an eternal identity for himself, Voldemort has destroyed his ‘self’, both literally and metaphorically. When Dumbledore first met him as Tom Riddle at ten years old, he did not like the name ‘Tom’ because “There are a lot of Toms” (‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’, p.257) and he later re-creates himself as Lord Voldemort, showing how he wants to be unique and ‘extraordinary’, but in the Harry Potter universe, there appears to be a ‘greater reality’ hinted at which makes this impossible. In ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’, Dumbledore explains to Harry that “Of house elves and children’s tales, of love, loyalty and innocence, Voldemort knows and understands nothing…That they all have a power beyond his own, a power beyond the reach of any magic, is a truth he has never grasped” (p.568) which shows partly the true nature of the ‘greater reality’, although not its whole nature.

The concept of time in the Harry Potter series is different to that of the Narnia chronicles because of the fact that the wizarding world occupies the same global space as the Muggle world. Narnian time is totally different to the human world, whereas the wizarding and Muggle worlds interact and function in the same space and time, although there are parts of the wizarding world that Muggles cannot access. This shows that the ‘reality’ of the world within the novels encompasses both the magical and Muggle worlds. Dumbledore’s remark “Time is making fools of us again” from ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’ unconsciously points to a theory of time separate from the external world. The use of the time-turner in ‘Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban’ introduces the concept of time-travel. In an essay called ‘Space, Time, and Magic’, Michael Silberstein uses scientific explanations of time and the possibility of time travel to show how it can be possible, and how it works in the context of the Harry Potter novels. He explains the difference between a ‘tensed’ and ‘tenseless’ view of time, and demonstrates that only a tenseless view of time, where “past, present and future are all equally real” in a four-dimensional universe allows the possibility of time travel, and this is the current scientific view of the universe. Time is relative, just as ‘place’ is relative. He uses the idea of a ‘block’ to describe this concept, and writes that “The events of your birth and death, just like Paris and Hong Kong, are equally real, the just exist at different space-time points”. In this way, use of the time turner in ‘Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban’ is scientifically ‘valid’, although Rowling creates a ‘causal loop’ because, although Harry and Hermione do not change events that have already happened, the outcome depends on the start and vice versa- explained by Silberstein as “(A) Harry was saved from the Dementors because he travelled back in time and saved himself and (B) Harry was able to travel back in time because he saved himself”.

Silberstein’s essay was written before the sixth and seventh books were published, and it is interesting to look at the events in ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’ alongside this view of time to try to determine the nature of the Harry Potter universe. When Harry enters the forest to be killed by Voldemort, he knows that “Of course there had been a bigger plan” (p.555) and the Dumbledore had ‘planned’ his life to defeat Voldemort. The question of prophecy and determinism has already been shown in the series by the prophecy made seventeen years ago that a baby born that summer would be the person to defeat Voldemort, and Voldemort “marked” Harry as a baby which fulfilled part of the prophecy and in that way affected Harry’s fate. Because Voldemort chose to believe the prophecy, he created his own fate while believing that it was determined, in a similar way to Shakespeare’s Macbeth. This is illustrated when Dumbledore explains to Harry that “Voldemort singled you out as the person who would be most dangerous to him- and in doing so, he made you the person most dangerous to him!” (‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’, p.476). As a contrast, Harry chooses to sacrifice himself whereas he could have chosen to abandon Dumbledore’s plan. In ‘The Deathly Hallows Lectures’, John Granger writes that “He embraces the necessary conformity to the Divine Will” (p.113), which implies that Harry has no choice over what Dumbledore has planned, but this is not necessarily true although the reader cannot know whether Harry could choose not to sacrifice himself even though he seems to choose to.

When Voldemort kills Harry, he seems to be transported to somewhere outside of time and space. Once he realizes he is there, he describes it as “A long time later, or maybe no time at all” (Dh, p.565) which suggests that he is outside the usual constraints of time. This can be interpreted in several way, but the two main interpretations could be that either, as explained by Silberstein, time is relative and he is in a ‘space’ where he cannot relate the ‘local time’ to time that he understands, or that he is in a timeless place, which would be consistent with a religious reading of the series (which is the ‘usual’ interpretation, although I am going to focus on the ‘time’ and reality aspect) where the space he is in represents purgatory. When “it came to him that he must exist, must be more than disembodied thought” (p.565), he looks around the place, describing it as “unformed nothingness” (p.565) which implies that it is not part of the same ‘universe’ that he had previously been in . This is confirmed by the fact that “His body appeared unscathed…He was not wearing glasses any more” (p.565) and by the appearance of Dumbledore, “whole and white and undamaged” (p.566). During their conversation, Harry begins to realize that he is not dead, although he is not in the ‘real world’, which leads to the question of the prophecy: “I live…while he lives?…I thought it was the other way round…we both had to die? Or is it the same thing?” (p.568) which seems to call into question the nature of reality, life and death in the Harry Potter novels. Dumbledore said in the first book of the series that “No spell can reawaken the dead” and so Harry cannot be ‘dead’, but he is not in the ‘real’ universe. Dumbledore’s final words to Harry, “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” (p.579) question this idea even more, but also seem to clarify the chapter a bit more. The concept of reality in the Harry Potter novels seems to relate directly to the concept of ‘self’, since Harry realizes in the King’s Cross chapter that “he must exist” (p.565) and ‘existence’ in that sense is defined as ‘embodiment’, and so Harry identifies ‘himself’ with his body and therefore an external world. There is also the concept of an ‘ultimate reality’ shown in King’s Cross and Dumbledore, if it is not totally ‘inside Harry’s head’.

It is interesting to compare the Harry Potter universe to the ideas of Baruch Spinoza. Spinoza was a determinist who thought that God is an integral part of the universe- God and Nature are in essence the same concept. The external world is a ‘mode’ or part of God, which led him to conclude that thought and extension must also be features of God, and men are not truly ‘free’ as they are modes of God. This could be associated to the Harry Potter series if Dumbledore is seen as God, because ultimately he has ‘preordained’ the events of Harry’s life and Voldemort’s downfall. He also ‘controlled’ his own death, although a curse from the Horcrux was already killing him. This does not totally correlate because Harry does seem to ‘choose’ his own fate which is acknowledged by Dumbledore in King’s Cross, but this view of the world makes the situation of (and in) King’s Cross a bit clearer. The existence of a ‘space’ outside of the Harry Potter universe shows that there is the possibility of something outside of the external reality. There are conflicting views of the King’s Cross chapter, but the main ideas seem to be that either King’s Cross is a religious analogy of purgatory or that King’s Cross exists only in Harry’s head and that he does not really die. Both readings are possible and it would be impossible to rule either out. In the context of the themes of the Harry Potter novels and the symbolism of the final books, the first view seems more likely although Dumbledore’s comment seems to suggest the second. Both views could be correct if ‘purgatory’ takes place inside Harry’s mind, and it would be hard to ‘place’ somewhere outside of the external universe. An argument to support the view that it only happens in Harry’s mind is posited by John Granger in ‘The Deathly Hallows Lectures’, where he writes that Dumbledore does not tell Harry anything that he does not already know, and he comes to the conclusion that the exchange could take place in Harry’s unconscious mind which does seem to be a logical conclusion. For Granger, the key to the series is the difference between relativism and materialism, which is interesting to look at in relation to Kant.

Kant’s account of intuition in ‘The Critique of Pure Reason’ is relevant in looking at the nature of ‘King’s Cross’ (it appears to Harry as King’s Cross station, which links back the motif of the station as a link between worlds shown from the first novel with ‘Platform Nine and Three Quarters’ acting as a gateway to the magical world). Kant believed that there are certain a priori intuitions that can provide a structure for our a posteriori knowledge. For him, space can be known as both synthetic and a priori because it cannot be known from outside experience because experiences reflect space rather than direct experience of space itself. He also argues that space cannot be analytic because it is not innately known as it does not solely depend on terms or concepts, and therefore it must be both synthetic and a priori, and so must also be subjective as a condition of intuition. Kant’s version of the Copernican revolution states that the world must fit our perceptions as we cannot know the nature of ‘things in themselves’, and this is interesting in the context of the ‘King’s Cross’ chapter. Since, by Kant’s definitions, space is subjective, Harry could be in a ‘space’ that exists only for him and therefore the encounter with Dumbledore could be classified as ‘real’ even though it takes place only for him. The idea that the world fits our perceptions is useful in examining this idea, because it allows that Harry has synthetic knowledge of Dumbledore and King’s Cross without having to experience it a posteriori. In comparison to Kant’s argument, the exchange between Harry and Dumbledore begins to seem more ‘real’ and it shows how a different interpretation of the chapter can allow it to have a new form of ‘reality’.

These ideas seem to suggest that, although Harry’s sense of reality is mainly subjective, the Harry Potter universe seems to follow Kant’s writings that although we interpret the world subjectively and form our own ‘ideas’, there is an objective reality that is the subject of interpretation, and an objective ‘self’ that constitutes the mind that interprets the perceptions. The ‘King’s Cross’ chapter seems to work well with a Kantian reading, and this helps to understand more clearly the nature of reality in the Harry Potter series.


Synopsis of the Harry Potter series:

In the 1970s, a man formerly known as Tom Riddle renames himself as Lord Voldemort and becomes the most powerful Dark wizard of all time. He gains followers known as Death Eaters and they terrorize and kill many of the wizarding community. In order to protects himself from death, he splits his soul into seven parts and hides each in an inanimate object known as a Horcrux. In 1980, a prophecy is made to Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and the only man that Voldemort fears, that a baby born will been born in July who will have powers to rival the Dark Lord. This is overheard by one of Voldemort’s spies, and Voldemort marks Harry Potter, a baby born to wizarding parents who are fighting Voldemort’s forces as his rival. After the Potters are betrayed by one of their friends, he attacks and kills Harry’s parents and tries to kill Harry as well. The curse rebounds on Voldemort, whose body is destroyed but he lives on due to the Dark powers that prevent him from being killed while his Horcruxes are intact. Harry grows up and goes to Hogwarts at 11. In his fourth year, Lord Voldemort rises again and focuses on trying to kill Harry. No-one apart from Dumbledore realizes that a part of Voldemort’s soul is now inside Harry from his attempt to kill him as a baby, and Voldemort uses this connection to control Harry’s thoughts. A former Death Eater but now a member of the Order of the Phoenix (a secret society set up to defeat Voldemort) called Severus Snape protects Harry while still at school, and acts as a double agent after Voldemort’s return to power. Voldemort continues to terrorize the magical and Muggle (non-magical) communities and Dumbledore tries to find and destroy the Horcruxes. He is cursed by one of them, and asks Snape to kill him to protect the soul of a student-turned Death Eater who Voldemort has ordered to kill Dumbledore. Before he dies, Dumbledore leaves instructions with Harry to destroy the Horcruxes and Voldemort. In the final book, Harry finds out through Snape’s memory that since he has part of Voldemort’s soul inside him, in order for Voldemort to die, he must be killed my Voldemort to destroy the Horcrux inside him. He sacrifices himself to Voldemort in a forest, but because of the nature of the sacrifice, does not die and has an encounter with Dumbledore in a timeless ‘place’ that he experiences as King’s Cross. He returns to the Forest and duels Voldemort, eventually killing him. Since all the Horcruxes are now destroyed, Voldemort finally dies and the Death Eaters flee.





Baggett, David and Klein, Shawn E. (editors). Harry Potter and Philosophy, Open Court

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Colbert, David. The Magical Worlds of Harry Potter, Penguin

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Granger, John. The Deathly Hallows Lectures, Zossima Press

Granger, John. Harry Potter’s Bookshelf, Penguin

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Kant, Immanuel. The Critique of Judgement, Penguin Classics

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Lewis, C.S. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Harper Collins Publishers

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Prinzi, Travis (editor). Hog’s Head Conversations, Zossima Press

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Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Bloomsbury

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Bloomsbury

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Bloomsbury

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Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Bloomsbury

Whited, Laura (editor). The Ivory Tower and Harry Potter, University of Missouri Press


Using the wisdom of Albus Dumbledore to reignite my excitement about Harry Potter…

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire really isn’t my favourite book in the Harry Potter series (although my least favourite is Chamber of Secrets) but there are so many quotes in it which are genuinely insightful and really helpful from a mental health perspective so I’m trying to channel some of them at the moment in an attempt to lift the horrible vacuum that’s currently sucking out my insides like an internal Dementor.

I really, really want to be excited about the release of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child on Saturday and I know that there is a part of me that is mega hyped about it even if I can’t feel or connect with it, and I really want to try to access it so I can really feel the emotion and absolute high of a new extension to the Potterverse- it’s been NINE YEARS since there was last an official ‘book’ extending the story (not including Beedle the Bard or Pottermore which are extensions of the Potterverse rather than the actual ‘story’) and I really should be excited about it!  It reminds me a bit of when the Half Blood Prince was released and I was in a similar vacuum of nothingness, and I hardly processed reading it.  I still finished it on the day it was released but I didn’t feel the same connection to it as I had done with the previous books and it took several re-reads to actually ‘feel’ the story even when Dumbledore died!

I really don’t want a repeat of that this time especially as it’s been nine years since Deathly Hallows and NINETEEN YEARS of HP obsession, and it’s changed my life so much in that time that I really, really want to experience the full excitement and emotional intensity (in a good way) that only comes with literally growing up along with characters that you connect to and learn from throughout your life.  I know I’m incredibly lucky to have been exactly the same age as Harry with every book release and not many people have had that experience (or the experience of waiting a year or two between each book release while trying to guess what’s going to happen- I still can’t accept that Snape was ‘good’ because I had ten years of hating him before DH came out), so I’m going to use my version of Harry Potter therapy to try to reignite those feelings again…

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This extract has always made me feel a bit weird and uncomfortable, and it took a few years to fully process it.  It’s from the end of Goblet of Fire when Harry’s just seen Cedric die and Voldemort return which is obviously an incredibly traumatic experience, and when I first read it I hated Dumbledore for making Harry recount it.  I’m still not fully comfortable with it but the reason I’m sharing it here is because of the quote “Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you actually feel it.”  It’s one of Dumbledore’s wisdoms that is so painfully true even though most people try not to admit it.  I’ve never experienced anything near as traumatic as Harry but when I was a teenager, I lost a lot of close friends through being ‘too intense’ (I’ve written about this a lot in other blog posts so won’t go into it now- see Friendships and mindfulness) and my way of dealing with that and the obsessive thoughts around it was to lose enough weight that my emotions ‘switched off’ completely.  It worked at the time but wasn’t sustainable and I had to eventually go into inpatient ED services which meant regaining weight, and the cycle repeated several times and with each weight regain, the emotions came back stronger and more intense.  I’m learning now that emotion regulation strategies are a much better and more effective way to manage and try to accept the emotions rather than ‘get rid’ of them but it’s bloody hard!!  (If you’re interested in DBT emotion regulation skills, have a look at TOO MUCH EMOTION which also links to Harry Potter).

I know that part of the vacuum-y nothingness feeling I’m experiencing at the moment is because I’m still trying to process the loss of a very close friendship eight months ago and I’m still getting very strong urges to contact her even though I can’t, and it feels like my insides have been sucked out which has left the space for the Dementor-like vacuum inside.  I can’t think or talk about it properly without crying and feeling like someone’s twisting a salted knife in my chest, and avoiding that is definitely adding to the nothingness.  I’m taking Dumbledore’s advice though and writing about it indirectly through blogging or creative writing, and hopefully that’ll make a difference…

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“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.”  WOW.  I know Dumbledore’s wisdom is pretty well infinite but this is absolute truth.  When I first read GoF, I didn’t really appreciate just how true it is but fifteen years on, I’m starting to understand what Dumbledore meant.  I’ve been trying various approaches to ‘recovery’ (whatever that means) over the last 17ish years but it’s only now that I’m realising that you need to actually understand and ACCEPT what it is you’re experiencing in order to be able to recover.  As a teenager, I didn’t like how I was feeling and tried to ‘get rid’ of it in any way I could (usually food or weight-related) but because I didn’t think there was a real issue, it ended up making it worse until I was admitted as an inpatient.  After that, I started to accept that there might be a problem but I still didn’t really believe or understand it fully and the last ten years have been a mix of semi-recovery, relapsing, semi-recovery again, relapse again and kind of spiralling into feeling like there’s actually no point really and maybe I just need to accept that this is how I am.  But having recently re-read GoF, this quote really hit me and I’m trying to put it into practice…

For me, understanding is the hard part because what I’m experiencing at the moment (obsessiveness, feeling ’empty’ or vacuum’y, paranoia, intense neediness and anxiety etc) doesn’t fit into any ‘box’ or mental health category so it’s hard to actually understand what it actually IS.  Asperger’s covers part of it- the obsessiveness, need for routine, anxiety in social situations, meltdowns and feeling ‘weird’, but it doesn’t explain why I fixate on specific people, ‘need’ to contact people or they’ll forget I exist, can become very paranoid or the intense vacuum which really is like my insides have been sucked out.  But I’m still trying to apply Dumbledore’s wisdom and even though it doesn’t have a ‘label’ or ‘reason’, it’s still something I want to change and (this is the important part I’m trying to hang on to) it ISN’T PART OF WHO I ‘AM’.  That’s really important because up till recently, I thought I was just a horrible, weird, obsessive person and that’s why people didn’t want to be friends with me but weirdly I’ve got some really positive relationships at the moment which I really, really don’t want to mess up and they’ve lasted a few years now which is pretty unusual so I want to try to manage or change the obsessive intenseness so I don’t lose them.  So even though I don’t fully understand what causes it, I’ve got a pretty good understanding of my experience of it, and I think that’s enough to be able to accept it…

So, acceptance!  It’s kind of ironic that I’m coming from this perspective considering a psychologist I saw for a while last year used an ACT approach (accepting obsessive thoughts and urges without judging them) and I didn’t like it because I didn’t want to accept that the ‘horribleness’ was a part of me but I’m starting to realise now that you can accept that you’re experiencing something without actually accepting it as an intrinsic part of you, and that’s what I’m trying to focus on.  It’s the bitch in my head, not ‘me’, and that makes it a lot easier to accept and process.  And Dumbledore’s right- that does make it a lot easier to even contemplate recovery even if I don’t know fully HOW to yet.  But I think I’m in a much better place to be able to try now than I’ve ever been before because the understanding and acceptance really are essential for recovery to even be an option…  So thanks, Dumbledore- really needed that reminder!!

Anyway, back to the Cursed Child excitement!  Having thought a lot about understanding and acceptance, I’m starting to realise that the vacuum-y ‘nothingness’ is going to be there whatever happens but it doesn’t exclude the possibility of being actually excited or looking forward to the Cursed Child release even if it’s not full hyperness which maybe isn’t a feasible but that doesn’t matter.  I AM excited about it and I know I am, and even writing this blog post is helping to reconnect with that feeling even a little bit.  There’s so much to learn from Dumbledore and Harry, and it’s so important to remember that.  I’m practising my Patronus every day and that really does help to connect with a positive, ‘real’ part of you that sometimes doesn’t feel like it still exists but it does, it’s just clouded by other experiences sometimes.

Throughout Dumbledore’s life, he was affected by his feelings of guilt and loss about Ariana but he learned ways to manage that and to stay connected to his real ‘self’ even though sometimes it felt like it wasn’t possible and Harry learned from him that even though he had a part of Voldemort inside him, it didn’t make him VOLDEMORT and that wasn’t an intrinsic part of his personality.  I’m trying to see the bitch in my head as a sort of Horcrux that sometimes has access to my thoughts and feelings in a way that I don’t like but it’s not ‘me’ and I can learn to manage it and ‘close my mind’ through Occlumency (see Mental Health Awareness Week 2016, Part One: HARRY POTTER and Occlumency for more about ‘Harry Potter therapy’), and I’m trying really hard to keep practising it until I’ve found a way to get rid of the Horcrux for good!

The Forbidden Forest: The symbolism of forests through folklore and storytelling behind J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series

***This is an essay I wrote at uni years ago; thought it would fit with the Harry Potter-themed posts I’m sharing this week!***

In an interview in 2008, J. K. Rowling said “Everything, everything I have written, was thought of for that precise moment when Harry goes into the forest… it is the last truth of the story”. Forests have been an important symbol in folklore from ancient mythology to modern fantasy and in this essay, I am going to examine the meanings behind their symbolism and how they have been used in different forms of storytelling leading up to J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series.

Forests played an important part in ancient mythology, and in particular in the Greek, Celtic and Native American mythologies. In Ancient Greece, they were the home of Dryads, or wood nymphs, who lived in the trees. The word ‘Dryad’ comes from the Greek ‘drys’ meaning oak although the word is used to describe nymphs from different types of trees, each species of which has its own different nymph. As well as spirits living in trees, they are seen as semi-divine as they are spirits of nature which played a very important role in the belief system of almost all ancient civilizations. In a ‘Dictionary of Greek and Roman Biography and Mythology’, William Smith writes that “The early Greeks saw in all the phenomena of ordinary nature some manifestation of the deity; springs, rivers, grottoes, trees, and mountains, all seemed to them fraught with life; and all were only the visible embodiments of so many divine agents. The salutary and beneficent powers of nature were thus personified, and regarded as so many divinities; and the sensations produced on man in the contemplation of nature, such as awe, terror, joy, delight, were ascribed to the agency of the various divinities of nature”, which could also be applicable to other ancient civilizations.

The forest is associated with change and cycles because of the changing of the seasons, which is described in John Fraim’s ‘Symbolism of Place’ as “the time aspect of place symbolism”. This illustrates the idea that time is relative, and that for ancient civilizations, time is cyclical and dependent of the seasons and natural phenomena rather than the human constructions of clocks and watches. In Greek mythology, Demeter was the goddess of the harvest and the seasons. When her daughter Persephone was taken to the underworld by Hades, she stopped the movements of the Earth while she searched for Persephone, and life on Earth began to die because of the lack of seasons. Zeus ordered Persephone’s return which led to the emergence of spring and the four seasons. This myth illustrates the importance of the cycles of nature and ‘natural time’ as opposed to constructed, which was the view held by the ancient civilizations. Trees also play an important part in the cycle of life on Earth as they produce oxygen needed to breathe, which also adds to their importance in the natural world.

The forest is a key feature of Celtic mythology due to the landscape of Celtic countries such as Scotland, Wales and Ireland. The Celts believed that there was an ‘Otherworld’ governed by deities and other supernatural beings such as fairies and spirits which existed in the same spatial world as mortals but had a different concept of time. In Celtic myths, this enchanted space was often portrayed in forests as they symbolized Nature, or Mother Earth. Each tree had different connotations, which shows how important tree and forest symbolism was in Celtic mythology.   J.K. Rowling draws on these associations with the different woods that make up the wands in the Harry Potter series. Harry’s wand is made of holly, which is associated with life and protection whereas Voldemort’s wand is made of poisonous yew. The elder wand from ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’ represents sorrow and death as well as rebirth and renewal, which is significant because of the way Harry’s battle against Voldemort can be seen as illustrating the ancient view of time as cyclical as Harry’s ‘death’ and ‘rebirth’ lead to a new beginning in the Wizarding world.

Bruno Bettelheim writes in ‘The Uses of Enchantment’ that “Since ancient times the near-impenetrable forest in which we get lost has symbolized the dark, hidden, near-impenetrable world of our unconscious” (‘Uses of Enchantment’, p.94) which is the way in which he interprets the frequent use of the forest as a fairytale setting. He uses the act of a fairy tale hero entering a forest “with an as yet undeveloped personality” and coming out with “a much more highly-developed humanity” (p.94-5) to symbolize “the need to find oneself” (p.217). This follows Carl Jung’s analysis of fairy tales showing that certain ‘archetypes’ shown in fairy tales illustrate forms of the collective unconscious which is “identical in all individuals” (‘Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious’, p.43). The idea of the collective unconscious does seem to fit with the way in which some fairy tales are common to many different cultures although they vary dependent on differing worldviews. For example, the Native American myths often describe the four elements, the seasons and the Great Spirit in Nature whereas Ancient Greek myths involve various deities and heroes. All traditional cultures seem to have accepted the idea of an ‘ultimate reality’ but it is interpreted in different ways. According to ‘A Dictionary of Symbols’ by Juan Eduardo Cirlot, “Forest-symbolism…is connected at all times levels with the symbolism of the female principle or of the Great Mother…since the female principle is identified with the unconscious in Man, it follows that the forest is also a symbol of the unconscious”, which links the ideas of the forest as Nature and Mother Earth and Jung’s analysis of the unconscious.

In an essay called ‘Transformations of the Fairy Tale in Contemporary Writing’ from ‘A Companion to the Fairy Tale’, Tom Shippey writes fairy tales are “set against a background of forests and peasants and kings of nameless countries” (p.266). He says that, for modern readers, this “lack of verisimilitude is incomprehensible” (p.266) but is could be seen as another form of archetype because the lack of specific time and space is part of what makes fairy tales so ‘timeless’ and applicable universally. The universality of folk and fairy tales can make them seem more ‘believable’, not in the sense that they actually happened but that, as Bettelheim says, the forest is a metaphor for something common to all peoples and cultures. Jack Zipes expands on Bettelheim’s analysis in his book ‘The Brothers Grimm: from enchanted forests to the modern world’ where he writes that “Inevitably they find their way into a forest. It is there that they lose and find themselves. It is there that they gain a sense on what should be done” (Ch.3, ‘Exploring Historical Paths’) which seems almost identical to Bettelheim’s analysis, but Zipes adds that “Nothing gains power over the forest, but the forest possesses the power to change lives and alter destinies”. This idea seems a little excessive as it appears to personify the forest as something other than an archetypal setting but there is a sense in many fairy tales, particularly those of the Brothers Grimm whose tales Zipes is analyzing, that the forest has “powers” of its own and is in itself ‘magical’ although that is not specifically stated. In fairy tales, when a hero or heroine enters a forest, it can be assumed that something threatening or dangerous is going to happen, but whether the forest itself is the danger is ambiguous.

In the article ‘Once Upon a Time’ from a magazine called ‘Inside Journal’ published in 1997, Jonathan Young writes that “The deep dark forest is a common representation of the feared elements within” and refers to Jung’s analysis of the ‘shadow’, which is a repressed part of the unconscious mind (not part of the collective unconscious- it is individual to each person) and represents weaknesses and instincts. This demonstrates the idea that fairy tales can be interpreted uniquely be different readers as well as being universally applicable. This is because archetypes can be individual as well as collective, and different people can relate to different archetypes. He continues by saying that “The monsters live in the forest. The forest can reflect parts of ourselves that are never entirely tamed, that are always somewhat dangerous and chaotic” and that “They are important parts of ourselves” because they lead to new ideas and creativity, which is a slightly different interpretation than Bettelheim’s because of its emphasis on creativity. The ideas of collective versus individual unconsciousness are important because they illustrate the difference between traditional folk and fairy tales as fables and the way in which they have become individual and interpreted in different ways- almost as though a ‘template’ of archetypes were filled in. This is similar to the way in which traditional folk tales have been written into literary fairy tales, although this idea is slightly different in that both folk and fairy tales have archetypes that can be both universal and individual. The forest is something that is both universal and can be individual, as is seen in the various interpretations. The forest is also seen as a place of change and transformation, both due to the changing seasons that created myths and ideas about the psyche undergoing some form of change.

The forest can also be seen as an ‘otherworld’ or enchanted space as is shown in Shakespeare’s ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ where it is the realm of fairies and magic contrasted to the world of Athens. In ‘An Anatomy of Criticism’, Northrop Frye describes the forest portrayed Shakespeare’s “drama of the green world” (Third Essay, p.182) as “the embryonic form of the fairy world” which links the world of Nature to the world of enchantment. He writes that “The green world has analogies, not only to the fertile world of ritual, but to the dream world that we create out of our own desires” (p.183) which seems to fit with the idea that the forest can be individual and reflects the desires of the unconscious. He expands on Jung’s concept of archetypes by defining the ‘Theory of Myths’ in terms of archetypes and in particular the changing seasons, which again reflects the ancient symbolism of forests as associated with change. He associates the ‘green comedy’ with spring because it is associated with birth, death and resurrection with forms the basis of many forest myths and stories and like Jung, bases his concept of archetypes on myths. In his sections in the Third Essay on ‘apocalyptic imagery’, Frye describes the “vegetable world” (p.144) as “the archetype of Arcadian imagery” in the Bible and associates it with the “forests of romance”, but in the next section on ‘demonic imagery’, he writes that “The vegetable world is a sinister forest” and compares that view with “the opening of the ‘Inferno’” (p.149). These two conflicting views illustrate further the contrasting ways in which the forest has been represented and interpreted, and how ambiguous it is as a ‘space’ (or otherworld).

The Forbidden Forest in the Harry Potter series can be seen as showing various forms of these ideas. Harry’s first encounter with the Forest is in the first book of the series where he overhears a covert conversation between Professors Quirrell and Snape and the secrecy of the conversation suggests that the Forest is a place of ambiguity. The name ‘Forbidden Forest’ also supports this and suggests danger, which is reinforced by teachers repeatedly warning students not to go near it. The chapter ‘The Forbidden Forest’ in ‘Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone’ is (like the majority of the series) written from Harry’s perspective and the description emphasizes the atmosphere of fear and oppression. The forest and trees are repeatedly described as “black” and “dark” (‘Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone’, Ch.15) and the “silence” and “rustling of leaves” add to the tension as does narration from Harry’s point of view such as “Harry kept looking nervously over his shoulder. He had a nasty feeling they were being watched”. The idea that the forest has powers of its own can be seen through the centaur in Rowling’s Forbidden Forest who are linked to Nature and the forest in the series. The centaur Bane shows this knowledge when he says “we are sworn not to set ourselves against the heavens” (Ch.15) and it can be seen in ‘Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix’ where the centaur Firenze teaches in the castle and makes his classroom resemble the forest. This links the forest and Nature to a higher power or knowledge, as can be seen when the centaurs predict the second Wizarding War with their repetition of “Mars is bright tonight” (‘Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone’, Ch.15) as Mars is the planet associated with war.

The main significance of the Forbidden Forest in the Harry Potter series is in the seventh book, ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’. In an interview with a Spanish reporter for ‘El Pais’ in 2008, J.K. Rowling states that “Everything, everything I have written, was thought of for that precise moment when Harry goes into the forest” and that “That moment is the heart of all of the books. And for me it is the last truth of the story”. The chapter is significant in the plot of the series because it describes Voldemort finally killing Harry, but also in the ideas behind the series such as forgiveness and symbolism. In ‘The Deathly Hallows Lectures’, John Granger explores this idea, linking it to Biblical imagery and to Dante’s ‘Divine Comedy’. He says that “the trial Harry begins in ‘The Forest Again’ parallels Dante’s three part spiritual odyssey that begins in a dark wood”(p.111) as Dante’s journey begins on Holy Friday and Harry’s death and rebirth in the Forest have links to the Easter story.

The first canto of the Dante’s ‘Inferno’ does seem to have some similarities with ‘The Forest Again’. The “journey of our life” (l.1) is analogous to Harry’s journey as the traditional Romantic ‘hero’ and the series and in particular the seventh book is essentially a commentary on his ‘journey’ from child to adult and from birth to death and rebirth. The “dark wood” (l.2) introduces the light and dark imagery which is also very common throughout Harry Potter series and especially in this chapter. There are repeated references to the “darkness” of the wood and how “cold” it is. On a more general scale, the series is preoccupied with the difference between light and dark, as can be seen with the Dark Lord (Voldemort) and Dark magic. At the end of ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’, Albus (whose name means ‘white’) Dumbledore says “Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy” in reference to Lord Voldemort rising again. Line three of ‘Inferno’ says “the straight way was lost” which is similar to Bettelheim’s analysis of forests in fairy tales and is also relevant in ‘The Forest Again’ where Harry has no idea which path to follow to find Voldemort and fears the unknown, echoing another quotation from Dumbledore from ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’: “It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more”. In the interview, Rowling says that “It’s important to have light and darkness, it’s a very conventional mechanism, but to be able to create a transition between a mundane universe and the cruel and oppressive existence adds shadows” which also seems to support Jung’s idea of the shadow in the unconscious. The description of the forest as “wild, and rough, and stubborn” (l.5) is consistent with Rowling’s description of the Forest as “tangled”, “gnarled” and “twisted”, although Dante’s description personifies the forest more than Rowling’s- for Dante, the forest itself is threatening whereas Harry fears the unknown within the Forest. Both Dante and Harry contemplate the idea of death, which J.K. Rowling said the same interview is the key to the series. As he begins to accept the fact that he is going to die, he uses the Resurrection Stone to create visions of his parents, godfather and Lupin which calms him in a similar way to Dante’s vision of the Sun. The “Divine Love” in Dante is echoed in the Harry Potter series where Dumbledore frequently tells Harry that the inability to comprehend love is Voldemort’s downfall.

Some writers have seen Dumbledore as a godlike figure, and the “ancient magic” of love to represent the love of God, and this does have some resonance in the series, especially since Rowling has said in interviews that Harry’s doubts about Dumbledore in the final book personify doubts about faith. Granger writes that “Dante’s walk in the woods to God ends at Easter in Paradise, much as Harry’s agony ends when Sun rises in the Great Hall ceiling at his conquest of Voldemort” (‘The Deathly Hallows Lectures’, p.112) which seems to fit with a ‘religious’ reading of the Harry Potter series. An argument against his analogy could be that Harry is not experiencing sin because, although he has had doubts about Dumbledore’s intentions, by this point in the story he has already discovered the truth and has accepted his own part in the greater plan. Although Harry can be seen as a “spiritual pilgrim” (‘The Deathly Hallows Lectures, p.112), he has chosen to die for the ‘greater good’ and has accepted what Dumbledore has planned rather than continuing to doubt him and has always fought for “what is right” (‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’, Ch.37). Dante’s ‘Inferno’ has several similarities with ‘The Forest Again’, but does not parallel exactly because, although the setting and imagery is similar, the actual representations are different. The reason Harry does not die when Voldemort tries to kill him is because his soul is “whole”, and when he enters King’s Cross, which can be seen as representing Purgatory, his soul is already “pure”. Granger writes that “’The Forest Again’ is simultaneously a retelling of the Crucifixion and a story of the death of a Christian Everyman” which could be true, but the Crucifixion allegory seems to fit more with the ‘backstory’ and values of the series, although there are elements that seem to fit with Dante.

Another children’s fantasy series which parallels the Crucifixion story is C.S. Lewis’ Narnia series, and there are similarities between Rowling’s chapter ‘The Forest Again’ and Lewis’ description of Aslan walking through the forest to his death in ‘The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe’. Lewis uses the forest setting throughout the Narnia series. In ‘The Magician’s Nephew’, the ‘Wood between the Worlds’ serves as an ‘in-between’ place that links different worlds that can be accessed by jumping into pools. This seems to support the idea that forests are a symbol of change and the unknown and also the idea that a forest setting being an archetypal ‘nowhere’ setting that links other, more concrete places. The forest in ‘The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe’ symbolizes the change in Narnia itself and echoes the ancient myths of the seasons- when Queen Jadis is ruler, there is perpetual winter and it is only when Aslan arrives that the trees begin to blossom into spring. This reflects the view from ancient mythologies that the forest represented time according to the seasons, and this is shown by the way that Narnian time is different to “our time”.

The other main form of tree symbolism in the Narnia chronicles is the planting of the Tree to protect Narnia in ‘The Magician’s Nephew’. This represents both the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge from the Bible, and has the power to heal Digory’s mother. In a book called ‘The Secret Teachings of All Ages’, Manly P. Hall writes that ‘Under the appellations of the ‘Tree of Life’ and ‘The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil’ is concealed…the mystery of equilibrium” which seems to be reflected in the Narnia chronicles which advocate the pursuit of ‘goodness’ and harmony as opposed to ambition or greed. In a subversion of the myth in Genesis, Digory is tempted to eat the apple but does not which shows his innate ‘goodness’. When he approaches the tree and picks the apple, “he couldn’t help looking at it and smelling it before he went away. It would have been better if he had not. A terrible hunger and thirst came over him and a longing to taste that fruit” (‘The Magician’s Nephew’, Ch.13), which shows how his human desires represent ‘unbalance’ and mortality as opposed to the ‘immortal’ balance or equilibrium.

In ‘Harry Potter and Imagination’, Travis Prinzi compares Aslan and Harry’s journeys in a chapter called ‘Christ in the Forest: Aslan and Harry Walk to Their Deaths’. He writes that “both Aslan and Harry serve as a Christ symbol” (Ch.6) but distinguishes that “the two accounts highlight different aspects of the atonement of Christ” as “Aslan is clearly a one-to-one Christ parallel. Harry is a flawed human who commits himself to a Christlike sacrifice”, which illustrates the way in which Rowling is using Christian ideas and imagery in her novels without giving a direct analogy the way Lewis did. In Narnia, Aslan is the same ‘archetypal’ character as Dumbledore as he guides and to an extent directs the children’s lives in a similar way to the way in which Dumbledore guides Harry and from a religious perspective it would be Dumbledore who would be seen as ‘divine’ (in both meanings- Godlike and controlling destiny) whereas it is Harry, a “flawed human” who sacrifices himself and comes to represent Christ.

The Biblical imagery in Aslan’s forest can be seen in the description and pattern of events. The night before his death, Aslan does not sleep well and walks into the woods accompanied by Lucy and Susan, which parallels Mary, mother of Jesus, and Mary Magdalene in the gospels of Luke and John.   The description of the creatures at the Stone Table seems to ‘personify’ evil itself and its fear through ineffability as Lewis writes “creatures whom I won’t describe because if I did the grown-ups would probably not let you read this book” (‘The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe’, Ch.14). This idea of the unknown in the forest again suggests the way in which is can be seen as mysterious and dangerous although Lewis would not have been writing from a Jungian perspective because of he was writing a Christian allegory. The shaving of Aslan again parallels the taunting endured by Jesus, and Aslan giving himself voluntarily illustrates how Jesus did not protest against his Crucifixion.

In ‘The Forest Again’, Harry gives himself up to Voldemort voluntarily. As a contrast to Lewis’ Aslan, Rowling describes Harry’s human fears about death which echoes back to the links to Dante’s ‘Inferno’ although Harry’s thoughts are voiced through narration such as “It was not, after all, so easy to die…At the same time he thought that he would not be able to go on, and knew that he must” (‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’, Ch.34) which empathizes his humanness compared to Aslan as Jesus’ divinity. In ‘The Deathly Hallows Lectures’, Granger breaks the chapter down into three parts that parallel the Crucifixion.   “Harry has Garden of Gethsemane desires and chooses to act in obedience as saviour” (p.113) which he explains corresponds to the way in which Jesus feared his own death, and compares Harry’s fear although he “knew he must” (‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’, Ch.34). “Harry walks the Via Dolorosa, stumbles, and is helped by Lily, his mother” (p.113) corresponds to the road to Calvary walked by Jesus carrying his cross and , according to Luke’s gospel, is comforted by his mother. “Harry dies sacrificially and without resistance to defeat the Dark Lord, as Christus Victor died on the cross” (p.114) reflects how Jesus does not fight against his crucifixion and dies willingly.

Rowling’s forest in this chapter represents Harry’s spiritual journey and how he, as a mortal human, performs the ultimate sacrifice for the ‘greater good’. It seems to have influences and aspects from various sources and analyses of forests. It supports Bettelheim’s argument about the unconscious because Harry does change from when he enters to when he leaves the forest, although the actual change itself takes place in the King’s Cross ‘otherworld’ rather than the forest itself. If King’s Cross does not exist and takes place inside Harry’s head, as Dumbledore hints, then Harry’s metamorphosis from sharing a part of Voldemort’s soul to having a whole, pure soul takes place in the forest as a place of change. From Bettelheim and Jung’s view, the forest could be seen as an analogy for Harry having got rid of his ‘shadow’ (the part of Voldemort’s soul latched onto his) and emerged from the forest having ‘found himself’ for who he really is, and fulfilled his hero’s journey according to the archetype of the collective unconscious.

Joseph Campbell is quoted in ‘The Hero’s Journey’ as saying “You enter the forest at the darkest point, where there is no path. Where there is a way or a path, it is someone else’s path. You are not on your own path. If you follow someone else’s way, you are not going to realize your potential”, which is similar to Bettelheim’s analysis of the “near-impenetrable” forest and Harry’s experience in the forest reflects this. He does not know where to find Voldemort, but follows the path guided by some other power; “his limbs were working without conscious instruction” (‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’, Ch.34). Harry is at the “darkest point” in his life- both literally in the darkness of the forest and metaphorically as he is about to give himself up to Voldemort. He is following “someone else’s path” as Dumbledore has already ‘predestined’ what he must do in order to defeat Voldemort, but as a contrast to Campbell’s quotation, he does “realize his potential” through his death and rebirth although he does this because he has chosen to follow Dumbledore’s orders an die willingly, which, as Dumbledore tells him in King’s Cross “made all the difference” (‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’, Ch.35). Campbell also said that “Alone he would enter the dark forest where there was no path. This is the myth of the Hero’s Journey”, which seems to be reflected in almost all forest myths, fairy tales and fiction. Harry’s ‘hero’s journey’ ends after his journey to death through the forest and consequent rebirth and defeat of Lord Voldemort. The forest is a very powerful symbol that has been interpreted in various ways and this reflects its ambiguity and universality.


Bettelheim, Bruno. The Uses of Enchantment, Penguin

Campbell, Joseph. The Hero’s Journey, New World Library

Cirlot, Juan Eduardo. A Dictionary of Symbols, Dover Publications

Dante. The Inferno, Aldine Press

Ellis Davidson, Hilda and Chaudhri, Anna. A Companion to the Fairy Tale, Brewer

Fraim, John. Symbolism of Place,

Frye, Northrop. Anatomy of Criticism, Princeton University Press

Gallagher, Ann-Marie. The Wicca Bible, Sterling

Granger, John. The Deathly Hallows Lectures, Zossima Press

Hall, Manly P. The Secret Teachings of All Ages, Wilder Publications

Kirkpatrick, Robin. Dante: The Divine Comedy, Cambridge University Press

Lewis, C.S. The Magician’s Nephew, Harper Collins Publishers

Lewis, C.S. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Harper Collins Publishers

Pinkola Estés, Clarissa. Women Who Run With the Wolves, Ballatine Books

Pogue Harrison, Robert. Forests: the Shadow of Civilization, University of Chicago Press

Prinzi, Travis. Harry Potter and Imagination, Zossima Press

Rowan, Arthur. The Lore of the Bard, Llewelyn

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, Bloomsbury

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Bloomsbury

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Bloomsbury

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Bloomsbury

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Bloomsbury

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Bloomsbury

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Bloomsbury

Warner, Marina. Fantastic Metamorphoses, Other Worlds, Oxford University Press

Zipes, Jack. The Brothers Grimm: from enchanted forests to the modern world, Palgrave Macmillan

Thoughts on Harry Potter Part One…

Warning: lots of Harry Potter-related posts coming up this week!  I still can’t believe that Harry Potter and the Cursed Child script book is being released this weekend- nine years since Deathly Hallows and I genuinely thought that would be the end of the Harry Potter saga.  It’s so, so weird and I can’t fully process it even though I’ve booked my ticket for a midnight release party and pre-ordered my copy.  One of the weirdest things is that Harry’s going to be ten years older than I am in this book whereas when all of the previous books were released, I was exactly the same age as him.  I’m a bit nervous about how the characters are going to have turned out…  Anyway, the first post I’m going to share about HP is something I wrote five years ago right before the release of the last film in the Harry Potter franchise.  A lot of my thoughts are still the same now and I think it’s a good place to start!  SO…

“Not really into notes usually but the last HP film is a big thing! Although I really don’t like the way people are saying it’s the end of an era… I grew up with Harry Potter (literally- the first book came out when I was 10 and got hooked from then on…read all the others the day they came out and happened to be basically the same age as Harry down to doing GCSEs the year he did OWLs and leaving school in his last year at Hogwarts). I’ve listened to HP audiobooks nearly every night since I was 11 and have no intention of stopping now!

Hogwarts was a kind of alternate reality when I was a teenager- was still waiting for a Hogwarts letter right up till I left school and, even though it never came, still ended up pretending I was there so much that when I read the books/watch the films now, it feels more like a memory of a direct experience than a memory of a fictional place. Imagination can be really powerful- sometimes I read the first three books and feel like they’re missing something, and I think it’s because I’d imagined being in them so much that I’d imagined more than was there and somehow convinced myself that it happened :s, although to me that makes it even more real! In between books, I tried to make up what I thought would happen in the next one and some of those things are as ‘real’ in my HP universe as what is actually in print, lol.

As far as I’m concerned, Dumbledore, McGonagall and Lupin were my favourite teachers (along with a couple of ‘real’ teachers). When I was at school, I used to pretend that I could ‘combine’ school and Hogwarts where I’d go to Hogwarts but it would have a ‘real’ school structure/timetable as well as a magical one, and some people from the ‘real’ world were there too (think I’d need several time turners for that one…still waiting for one to come through the post along with a Hogwarts letter so I can go back and go to school again but Hogwarts this time :p) which was a big part of my life from the age of 10-20, when the last book came out. By then, I’d grown up enough to actually ‘get’ a lot of the philosophy/ideas behind it so I feel really, really lucky to be the age I was for every book, think I was born in exactly the right year :), and to get into HP from the beginning. Even did my undergrad dissertation on identity/reality in the HP series which felt strange coz it was about a ‘fantasy’ world which was for me (and a lot of people) like a reality but glad I did, felt like a good form of closure although I’m still as into HP as I was as a teenager, just in a different way.

Talking of characters, there are a few in HP who are AMAZING. When I first ‘met’ Luna Lovegood in OOTP, I was 16 and a bit ‘weird’ (still am, lol, but don’t really mind as much now!) and was so glad to meet someone I could actually identify with and who was more weird than I was! She’s my favourite character of the series, think she’s amazing. I love Neville Longbottom too, and I love the way he ‘grows’ through the series. My other favourite character’s Dumbledore, mainly because of his incredible quotes:

“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

“Time is making fools of us again.”

“That which Voldemort does not value, he takes no trouble to comprehend. Of house-elves and children’s tales, of love, loyalty, and innocence, Voldemort knows and understands nothing. Nothing. That they all have a power beyond his own, a power beyond the reach of any magic, is a truth he has never grasped.”

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” (from the film version of PoA)

“In dreams, we enter a world that’s entirely our own.” (again, from PoA film)

“It is my belief… that the truth is generally preferable to lies.”

“If you’re holding out for universal popularity, I’m afraid you will be in this cabin for a very long time.”

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

I found the last book hard to read because of the ‘Dumbledore doubting’ but the end made up for it. Snape grew on me massively through the series- I always felt a bit sorry for him (and weirdly guilty at the same time :s) as a teenager, but when I read DH, he became one of my favourite ever characters. Also love McGonagall- I think she’s the best teacher in the series and I’d love to be like that when I’m older! She’s really fair and cares about the students but manages to be firm at the same time… Thought it was interesting how Maggie Smith saw her as an older Miss Brodie, hadn’t made that connection before but can kind of see how it fits.

I haven’t seen the last film yet (seeing it on Tuesday), since I’ve cried in both HBP and DHp1, I think I’ll end up crying, even if it’s just saying ‘bye’ to the characters (although it’s not really…). It’s weird, I don’t usually cry in books/films but HP still makes me :s, I must have seen HBP over 20 times and still cry at the end! Think it must be something to do with the ‘reality’ of the series, and how it takes on a greater ‘reality’ than just the words on the page. I don’t like the idea that the last film is the end though – I’m with Dumbledore on this one, as long as something exists in your head then it’s real! HP has been ‘real’ for me for the last 14 years…why should it stop now?! If anything, it’s more real because it’s an individual experience of the HP universe that’s carrying on, not someone else’s interpretation of it which, much as I enjoy watching, never matches up to my teenage ‘memories’. HP has been a massive part of my growing up (that really isn’t an exaggeration) and the film franchise has nothing to do with that, and I really don’t see why that’s going to stop any time soon!”

A sonnet for Carrie Mathison

You don’t strike me as the poetry sort
unless, perhaps, it’s straight-laced with liquor.
But there’s an intensity, a flicker
of sideways-sharp awareness in your thoughts
that parallels your mind with metaphor.
How else would you see beyond the concrete
to know what others see as incomplete?
Hyper-everything, pure focus, hardcore
and yet
there’s a harsh vulnerability
that sometimes cuts too deep, a salted knife
in the heart’s open wound. Ability
to see too clearly and not unsee, life
heightened by emotions’ fragility.
You’re an ice-fire paradox of extremes,
nuclear fusion of hyperreal and dreams.

What I’m relearning from Sweet Valley High…

OK, I’m going to start this post by saying that yes, I know Sweet Valley is not ‘real’ literature, it’s commercialised teenage rubbish that people have told me a ridiculous amount of times over the last twenty years that I shouldn’t be reading, but I’ve been obsessed with SVH since I was 9 and have actually learned a lot of life and social skills (really) from various characters in the series as well as having the ‘safety’ of an alternate fictional world which had characters I could relate to and ‘talk’ to (via Sims or writing) and this was really important to me as a teenager in a similar way to how I used Hogwarts pre-Voldemort as an escapist world.  Once Voldemort came back when I was in Year 9, Sweet Valley seemed a lot safer than Hogwarts and for years I carried a Sweet Valley book in my bag ALL THE TIME so I could read it whenever I wanted to.

Yes, Sweet Valley books aren’t written particularly well (overuse of adjectives, too many exclamation points, superficial writing style) but they’re accessible and easy to read which I think totally outweighs the actual style of the writing.  I’ve been able to read Sweet Valley books nearly my whole life, even when I’ve been feeling rubbish and had the concentration span of a hyperactive fly, and they don’t need a lot of focus or brain capacity to read.  They’re actually a lot more complex than most people realise thanks to being a series of close to 500 books in total, and you get to know the characters so well that you feel like they’re a part of your life.  And that means that, weirdly, you learn a lot from them and that changes throughout your life depending on who you can identify with at the time.  I might get struck down by the literature gods for saying this (especially since I did an English degree!) but I’ve actually learned more from Sweet Valley books and Harry Potter than from ANY book I’ve ever studied at school or uni and I think more people need to appreciate that there is more to ‘good’ books than heavy themes or symbolism.  Yes, that’s important and it’s good for analysing/studying, but sometimes learning real, applicable life and social skills and being able to relate to and feel safe with fictional characters is just as important and, for some people, can be even more beneficial.  I might be slightly biased considering I wrote my undergrad dissertation on Harry Potter, my MA and PhD on fairy tales and The Little Mermaid in particular, and one of my MA essays about Sweet Valley but I did the whole ‘literature’ stuff too and found it really interesting but nowhere near as useful for ‘real life’ than books I could really relate to and with complex, escapist worlds where I felt safe.  So that’s why I’m not embarrassed at all to say that I still read Sweet Valley books when I’m almost 30!  I’ll probably still be reading them at 50… :p

One of the things I really like about Sweet Valley books are that they’re set in the 80s- pre-internet and mobile phones which feels amazingly safe and there’s much less anxiety and paranoia because of it.  They write letters and call each other or arrange to meet at specific places and there’s none of the Facebook-based paranoia or bitchiness or problems with over-texting etc that there are now.  When I first started reading SVH, that was how the world worked but now technology’s taken over and there’s a lot more anxiety about than there was 15 years ago (for me, anyway).  I think one of the things I find ‘safe’ about Sweet Valley is that reading the books is like going back to the pre-internet world without the constant paranoia or anxiety of mobile phones and Facebook.  Although, ironically, the reason I can re-read the whole series now is because they’re available to download for free on Kindle Unlimited which is pretty incredible!!  When I was younger, I could only get the ones that hadn’t gone out of print yet from The Works or from charity shops, and I can still remember the MAGIC feeling of being able to order them from Amazon when that because feasible.  Now it’s even more accessible through Kindle which is genuinely amazing.  I was re-reading one of my exercise books from primary school where we had to write about magic inventions we wished existed and I wrote about a magic book which could become any book you wanted it to…I think it’s called a Kindle!!  BEST INVENTION EVER.

Anyway, back to Sweet Valley…  I’m about a third of the way through the SVH books at the moment and I’m just as hooked as I was when I was a teenager but in a different way.  The description of the twins still bugs me (sun-bleached hair, turquoise eyes, perfect size 6 figure) and it annoys me that all the characters seem to be “petite”, “slim” or “willowy” unless specifically mentioned as otherwise in which case it’s usually in a negative context but I think we just need to accept that this is ‘perfect world California’ and that’s not real anyway.  But weirdly, the perfectness of it is part of what makes it feel ‘safe’ and it really is a perfect escapist world.  When I was a lot younger, I used to want to paint the walls of my bedroom like Sweet Valley so I could feel like I was actually there and part of what I love about re-reading the books is that the setting is STILL THE SAME in my imagination.

The reason that’s weird is that it hasn’t changed visually at all since I was in primary school and it genuinely feels like revisiting an actual place from when I was younger.  I think it’s linked to brain processing- it’s something I really need to look into properly but I think that when you imagine something, your brain can’t tell the difference between reality and not-reality so you feel like you’re actually experiencing it and in general, this is stronger in children than adults and when you re-imagine something from when you were a child, it feels like an actual memory.  It’s definitely a topic I need to explore properly!  Would also be really interested to find out if it’s different in autistic brains than neurotypical- most people I know don’t have the same intense, almost physical recollections of memories/imagined events that I do or difficulty distinguishing imagined events and ‘real’ memories (I often think dream events have actually happened) but I don’t know if maybe I’ve just got an over-active imagination?!

Sweet Valley Middle School is visually almost exactly the same as my primary school and that’s still how I imagine it but the high school is a bit different- it’s partly based on the building my classroom was in in Years 7 and 8 and a lot of SVH classes (in my mind) take place there but it’s also mixed with the school field, lunchroom and library from primary school and a few extra corridors I seem to have made up in my mind but probably came from TV shows about high schools.  The front of the school is partly based on primary school but mixed with the front door from (I think) the school in The Princess Diaries so I have no idea how that happened!  It’s so weird revisiting it though because it really does feel like going back to an old school and I keep wanting to go to the Oracle office (which is the same as a classroom in my primary school) or go to find Olivia Davidson in the art room (which is the same as my secondary school).

The town is the same- the beach is like Sandbanks in Poole which was where we used to go on holiday when I was little, the shopping mall is the Royal Priors in Leamington except as is used to be before it was redone (complete with the peacock which anyone from near Leamington over the age of 25 will probably remember), Guido’s is basically Pizza Hut from Tower Park in Bournemouth, Casey’s is Henley Ice Cream shop…  They’re not exactly the same because some of the details from the books are mixed in with real-life places (the shopping mall is based on the Priors but the shops are from the books, the pizzas in Guido’s are bigger and more American than Pizza Hut, the beach has white sand and aqua water etc) but it’s amazing how your imagination basically works like a synthesiser using actual places and described details to make a whole new imagined world which is constant over time.  That’s what I love about re-reading book series or books you read over and over as a child- it’s still the same world.  I have a very similar experience reading Harry Potter but won’t go into that now, but it’s one of the reasons I don’t like seeing films of books because it’s never the same world and feels ‘wrong’.

The other awesome thing about Sweet Valley is the characters.  There are a few ‘main’ characters (Jessica and Elizabeth, Todd, Lila, Enid, Bruce) who appear in nearly every book but each book focusses on a particular, more minor character and something that’s happening in their life and because it’s a series, you get to know the characters so well by their appearances in other books that it’s nice to get a real look into the life of someone you’ve ‘met’ through other characters but don’t know a lot about.  Once you’ve read the whole series, you know most of the characters’ back stories and that’s nice too because when you re-read them, it gives you a whole new context.  My favourite character is Olivia Davidson who you don’t really get to know properly until quite late in the series (she’s just known as an arty, quirky sort-of geek) but in the special edition Mystery Date, she uses internet chatrooms as a way to meet people and you realise that she’s actually really shy and insecure.  I could relate to it a lot at the time because I used to use internet message boards as a ‘social life’ and it was nice to meet a character who had a similar experience.  It’s weird thinking about it now because SVH was originally set in the 80s and the internet didn’t exist then but because the writing went on into the 90s and early 00s, the internet was becoming more mainstream and a couple of the later books mention it although there are still no mobile phones or social media which I think would have ruined Sweet Valley for me.

Re-reading as an adult, you realise again how unrealistic and overly dramatic the books are (not even halfway through and we’ve had three kidnappings, two deaths, a plane crash, drugs, attempted rape, attempted suicide, depression and a ridiculous amount of teenage drama) but that’s what makes SVH so interesting and even though you know that no teenager would actually be able to experience all that and still have perfect mental health at the end of it, the way the books deal with each individual experience is surprisingly sensitive and well thought out.  It’s  bit unrealistic how quickly the characters appear to recover from whatever’s happened to them but the actual experience is pretty well described.  I remember as a teenager re-reading some of them over and over because I could relate to the characters strongly although at the time, I didn’t know why (Wrong Kind of Girl, The Perfect Girl, Too Much in Love and Alone in the Crowd are the ones that spring to mind straight away).  I’d be interested to read Sweet Valley book with an autistic character though- I know autism wasn’t particularly well understood in the 80s and Asperger’s didn’t even exist as a diagnosis but there are some characters who show strong autistic traits (Bill Chase, Randy Mason, Olivia Davidson among others) and it would be interesting to see them more accepted rather than ridiculed for being ‘different’.  But this is perfect world California 80s!

The other thing that really struck me when I started re-reading the books is how controversial they actually are in the topics they discuss.  Considering the books were aimed at a teenage/pre-teen audience (I was reading them from when I was 8 or 9), they deal with some pretty heavy topics and a lot of my first ‘exposures’ to things like mental health issues or drugs were actually via Sweet Valley books.  I know I’m not the only person who’s never even been tempted to try drugs as a result of Regina Morrow’s death after trying cocaine (see Regina Morrow is the reason I never tried cocaine, The death of Regina Morrow or just google ‘Regina Morrow’ and see what comes up) and that’s a pretty major positive effect on a lot of pre-teen lives.  The second link sums it up perfectly by saying “The death of Regina Morrow in Sweet Valley High #40 On the Edge influenced my life more than any other fictional event in the history of my entire reading career thus far. Twenty-five years after reading about her death, Regina is still the first person I think of when I hear about someone dying from a drug overdose.  ‘Oh, I think. He/She must not have read about Regina Morrow.’  Yes, my brain seems to believe that nobody would ever struggle with drug addiction if only they had read On the Edge when they were fifteen.”  I AGREE.  And anyone who says that Sweet Valley books are just ‘junk food’ for literature can f*ck off as far as I’m concerned.  The book series has genuinely changed people’s lives for the better and that’s not junk.

It’s not just drug use that’s addressed pretty directly- Jess’s boyfriend Christian is killed in a gang fight, her boyfriend Sam is killed in a drink driving accident (which was also the reason Elizabeth ended up in a coma after a motorcycle accident earlier in the series and both of these events have meant that I would never, ever get in a car with anyone who has had even a tiny amount of alcohol which has been my rule since I was a teenager and first read the books), John Pfeifer attempts to rape Lila Fowler and then sets fire to her house before being killed by one of his own bombs and so many other pretty controversial events.  Not just over-drama either- Tom McKay’s realisation of being gay was dealt with sensitively and would have been a pretty big deal in the 80s, and it’s amazing that Sweet Valley chose to write in a teenage, gay character.  The stigma is clearly shown as well as Tom’s feelings and that’s pretty impressive for ‘junk’ literature.

For me, the most intense storylines that really ‘got’ me as a teenager were the ones involving mental health issues.  They were never explicitly described as mental health issues in the books which was partly why they were so accessible I think, and it made it feel more ‘normal’ because characters you know and accept are experiencing similar issues.  The ones that really stand out are Robin Wilson’s struggles with weight and with eating disordered behaviour, Annie Whitman’s feelings of being cast out and attempted suicide and Lynne Henry’s experiences of depression.  Although they appear to be ‘cured’ unrealistically quickly, the actual experiences are really well described although brief, but trying to cram something like that into 137 pages is a pretty big ask!

Robin’s experiences are particularly interesting because her character has had so many ups and downs already by the time she developed an ED (weight problems and bullying, falling for George Warren then dealing with her feelings through food) that the plotline seemed to develop naturally from what we already know about her.  The book itself doesn’t go into too much detail (thankfully) about her actual ED thoughts although the line I remember clearly from reading it aged 12 was that her top tip for losing weight is “WATER” underlined several times and I went through a phase of drinking a bottle of water every lesson at school after reading that in case it worked (it didn’t, I just ended up needing the loo a lot!).  But what it does do is show a wider picture of Robin’s ED issues- not being able to eat in front of people, obsessive fixation on ‘safe’ foods, controlling behaviour and snappiness around other people, her jealousy around George, general obsessiveness, excessive exercise, constant exhaustion…  Even writing about it now, I can feel exactly how Robin felt and how I did as a teenager but without realising that’s why I related to the book so much.  Even though it’s very unlikely that Robin would have been that ill and not had to go into inpatient treatment, it’s still a well thought out book.

I could go on about mental health in Sweet Valley for ages and might save that for another blog post!  It’s also interesting that there are other, more complex mental health issues alluded to and shown in characters (Nancy the librarian’s sinister obsession with the 70s and trying to recreate it, John Pfeifer’s arsonist tendencies and sexual harassment/obsession, Margo’s delusional behaviour, Philip Denson the “messed up” ex-employee of Nicholas Morrow’s dad, John Marin’s attempts to kill the entire Wakefield family and probably a million others I’ve totally forgotten about.  It’s interesting how, as a ‘light’ teenage book series, it’s actually more psychologically complex than nearly any YA book out at the time and deals with such a massive range of issues.  Especially since in the 80s, a lot of mental health issues weren’t fully understood or known about which makes the depiction in Sweet Valley even more interesting and because it’s not given a ‘label’ or ‘diagnosis’, you’re given a real insight into that character’s thoughts and behaviours without judgement.  Even if the novels are ‘easy read’, 137 page long teenage books, they cover a lot of pretty intense topics without seeming forced or fake and that makes it more accessible and easy to relate to than if it were explicitly explained.

Will end the post now before I get totally carried away and write synopses of every book in the series!  Definitely more Sweet Valley posts to come… 🙂


It’s past midnight; the witching hours

softly creep through the darkness.

Music muffles out of an open doorway,

shadows thump as hearts beat.

Seeing fluid bodies merge in time

I’m the wrong piece in an incomplete jigsaw,

watching chargeless as giggling electrons

attract and repel, weave an

intricate dance amongst pulsing protons.

Chemistry was never my best subject,

much less the murky peripheries

where chemistry meets biology,

the hormonal collision of chemical bonding

with fusion and reproduction.

Walking home, constellations map the sky.

The moon cycles its rhythmical shifts.

There’s safety in physics, cause and effect,

bound in formulae, logic and reason.