Been an OKish week, nothing major and a definite improvement on last week which was a mess of paranoia and anxiety. Still had a lot of paranoid thoughts but I’ve been trying really hard to ‘externalise’ them and remember that it’s the bitch in my head talking, not ‘reality’ or absolute truth. It’s been hard and sometimes I’ve let her in without realising but there have been a couple of times where I’ve actually managed to talk her down and it hasn’t ended up in a full-on paranoia attack which is a massive, massive change for me. Going to definitely kept trying!
There’s a definite correlation between how many DBT skills I’ve used each day and my overall mood which is interesting and shows how changes really can add up. Some skills are easier than others- I don’t drink alcohol or take drugs anyway so that one’s not exactly hard to stick to and I’ve been practising mindfulness techniques for a few years now so that’s been relatively easy to incorporate most days, but some of the emotion regulation skills like watching and naming emotions or not acting on them are a lot harder. I’ve managed most of the skills at least once during the week which is a good start, just need to work on being more consistent…
The two skills I haven’t managed at all so far are ‘dealt with physical pain’ and ‘ate in a balanced way’. I’m not overly surprised at the eating one and I think that’s going to be a work in progress but I really should have managed the ‘physical pain’ one, and that’s going to be my next target. I don’t have massive issues with pain (*touch wood*) but I have had a lot of dental issues recently that are causing a lot of stress and anxiety and I’ve been avoiding dealing with it instead of actually getting it sorted so it’s turned into an infection that I can’t seem to get rid of. Got to have two more fillings next month… So I think the main target for next week is to consciously take care of my teeth and not just rely on co-codamol to get rid of the pain!
Thursday was actually a pretty good day, not for any reason in particular but just because I didn’t have any major mood drops or paranoia attacks and the bitch in my head stayed relatively quiet so the thoughts and anxiety were a lot more manageable than they have been in a while. Today wasn’t great- it was like she’d had a day off so decided to come back in full force today and it took a lot of effort and externalising not to believe everything she was screaming at me and to manage the intense anxiety and guilt it caused but have made it almost to bedtime without any major repercussions which I’m taking as a big positive. Mood isn’t great and I just want to hide under a blanket with a hot water bottle but I’m going with ‘opposite action’ and playing a feelgood playlist on spotify and cleaning my bedroom to distract and try to generate even a tiny bit of positive feeling so I don’t go to bed feeling horrible which is likely to end up in not-nice dreams. Happy weekend everyone!
Thoughts from an Iridescent Starfish 